Uncensored - Robert Kelly - I'm Done, Man

Live at the Village Underground Season 1, Ep 101 01/09/2015 Views: 4,217

Robert Kelly believes that anyone who can stop eating when there's still food on their plate must have superpowers. (2:15)

No, you know what I mean?

Like I'm a fatty.

When I say fatty Idon't mean physically.

You don't have to be 1,000pounds to be a fatty.

I can see fatty in your faces.

You ever eat with somebodyand they stop eating?

They're just done?

Need That's you.

I'm done.

Whoa, but there's foodright-- what about that food?

I'm done.

I know, but I'm done, too!

But there's food-- areyou taking that home?

No.

Can I, can I have that?

Is that me?

That's a superhero.

But you ever eat with somebodyand they just stop eating?

It's like, whatthe fuck is that?

How do you do that?

Are your parents still together?

Who taught you that?

That's an amazing feat!

[laughter]

If I could be a superhero,I'd be "I'm Done Man".

That's what-- fuck flying.

In the middle ofevery meal, I'm done!

[laughter]

My wife is one of those.

My wife is one of those.

In the middle of a mealshe's like, (IN WIFE'S VOICE)

I'm full.And I'm just chowing.

And then she's like,(IN WIFE'S VOICE)

Honey, aren't you full, too?

I've been full for 20 minutes,but the pain from my childhood

still exists in my chest, soI usually eat until that dies.

Yeah, try to stop this.

I'll murder everybodyat Cheesecake Factory.

Everybody dies.

I know I asked for your help,but not fucking tonight, bitch.

Not tonight.

Now pass me the bread.

[laughter]

She does.

It's a drug.

You know you're a fatty whenfood makes you feel better.

When you feel shitty and you canfeel better with just a couple

bites.

You ever come homeon a Saturday night?

You're sad, you're lonely.

You got nobody.

Everybody else seemsto have somebody.

And then you look and yourcat just licking her vagina.

Doesn't even come toyou. [kissing sound]

[kissing sound] Then youlook on top of the fridge

and there's an unopenedbox of Cheez-its.

And you smile like you justmet a girl on a gondola ride.

[laughter]

And you eat that wholebox with no water,

so halfway throughyou're [eating sound]

--more Cheez-its.

[laughter]