Jeff Ross - Rubbing Bellies

08/11/12 Views: 3,263

Jeff Ross calls all pregnant or weird looking people to the stage. (2:19)

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MY [bleep] IS INSIDE MY STOMACHRIGHT NOW,

IT'S SO COLD OUT THERE.

UH, I WATCHED A CANADIANPORNO MOVIE YESTERDAY.

THAT WAS COOL.

TWO GIRLS,ONE STANLEY CUP.

LAST TIMEI WAS IN MONTREAL,

CELINE DION HAD JUST GIVEN BIRTHTO IDENTICAL TWINS,

WHICH WAS QUITE AN ACHIEVEMENTGIVEN HER AGE AND FACE.

TOO SOONFOR THE CELINE DION JOKES?

THERE GOESMY MICHAEL J. FOX ROUTINE.

I'M NOT MAKING FUNOF MICHAEL J. FOX.

THAT'S SHAKY GROUNDRIGHT THERE.

[laughs]

OH, MY--HEY,HOW ABOUT A HAND FOR THE BAND,

DOING A GREAT JOB TONIGHT.

IF YOU'RE PREGNANTOR WEIRD-LOOKING,

YOU HAVE AN OBLIGATIONTO YOUR FELLOW CANADIANS

TO COME ONSTAGE RIGHT NOW.

ALL RIGHT,THAT'S PROBABLY GOOD.

WOW, THIS IS WORKING OUT.COME ON.

HOLY SHIT,LET'S TALK TO THIS GUY.

COME OVER HERE, SIR.

SIR, WHEN I ASKED FOR PREGNANTPEOPLE TO COME ONSTAGE,

I WASN'T TRYING TOREFER TO YOU,

BUT--COME HERE.COME HERE, DOLL.

LET'S JUST--LET'S JUST COMPARE YOU TWO.

YOU GUYS ARE--JUST RUB BELLIES.JUST RUB BELLIES A LITTLE BIT.

THE THREE OF US.THE THREE OF US.

YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO CUTE.

COME HERE, HOW YOU DOING?- GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?- AMANDA.

- AMANDA. YOU ARE SOSEXILY PREGNANT RIGHT NOW.

- THANKS.- WHO'S THE BABY DADDY?

- HE'S OUT THERE.

- THIS WOMAN IS TOO PREGNANTTO BE OUT IN PUBLIC RIGHT NOW.

I'M SO H--CAN I TOUCH?- YEAH, GO AHEAD.

- DO YOU KNOWWHAT YOU'RE HAVING?

- A BOY.- OH, THAT'S AWESOME.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HEREBECAUSE THEY SAY

IT'S VERY HEALTHYFOR THE BABY'S DEVELOPMENT

TO HEAR PEOPLE LAUGHING,TO HEAR THE MOTHER LAUGHING.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- IMAGINE IF I WASLICKING YOUR [bleep] RIGHT NOW,

HOW GOOD THAT WOULD BEFOR THE UNBORN BABY.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?WHAT DO YOU SAY?

- SURE.[laughs]

- MMM, I GOTTA JERK OFF AGAIN.HOLD ON A SECOND.

[laughs]

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