Jim David - Understanding

  • Season 4 , Ep 2
  • 12/10/2000
  • Views: 7,966

Apparently, homosexuals are not very common in Israeli hotels. (2:34)

MY LITTLE OTHER HALF AND I ARE

ABOUT TO CELEBRATE OUR 15th

ANNIVERSARY OF BEING TOGETHER.

IS THAT COOL?

15 YEARS?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HOW ABOUT THAT?

LOOK.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL

TO CALL HIM.

IF I CALL HIM MY "PARTNER,"

IT SOUNDS LIKE WE HAVE A

LAW FIRM.

IF I CALL HIM MY "COMPANION,"

IT SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF US IS A

DOG.

AND IF I CALL HIM MY

"BOYFRIEND," IT SOUNDS LIKE WE

SIT AT HOME AND WATCH "BUFFY,

THE VAMPIRE SLAYER," WHICH IS

A REALLY GOOD SHOW.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

MY MOTHER-- MY MOTHER DIDN'T

KNOW WHAT TO CALL HIM, EITHER.

WE WERE DOWN IN NORTH CAROLINA

AT THE MALL AND MY MOTHER SAW A

FRIEND OF HERS SHE HADN'T SEEN.

AND SHE SAID, "AND THIS IS MY

SON JIM.

YOU REMEMBER HIM.

AND THIS IS FRED ROSENBERG, HIS,

UM, JEW-- A FAG-- A FRIEND."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

MY DAD LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS,

"SO, NOW, WHAT IS IT THAT

THE TWO OF YOU DO?

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT DO YOU DO?"

WHAT I SAID: "WELL, YOU KNOW,

DAD, ALL THOSE THINGS YOU REALLY

WISH MOM WOULD DO BUT SHE WON'T?

THAT'S WHAT WE DO."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHING)

OH, LISTEN.

WE WERE IN ISRAEL AND WE WERE AT

THE HOTEL.

AND THE WOMAN BEHIND THE DESK AT

THE HOTEL SAID, "AND I HAVE FOR

THE TWO OF YOU A DOUBLE BED?"

"YES, THAT'S FINE."

"FOR THE TWO OF YOU?"

"YES."

"A DOUBLE BED."

I SAID, "THAT'S FINE."

AND THEN I SWEAR SHE SAID,

"AL-L-L-L-L RIGHT."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

GOING TO ISRAEL WAS A SCREAM.

BEFORE I WENT TO ISRAEL,

BEING THE SOUTHERN WHITE GENTILE

THAT I AM, I WAS LIKE, "GOLLY.

CAN'T THE JEWS AND THE ARABS

JUST GET ALONG?"

AND AFTER BEING THERE, I'M LIKE,

"NO.

NO, THEY CAN'T.

NOPE.

NOPE."

BUT I'LL TELL YOU.

WE WERE ON A TOUR BUS,

AND THE WOMAN ON THE TOUR BUS

ACTUALLY SAID, "ON YOUR RIGHT IS

THE FAMOUS KING DAVID HOTEL.

AND ON YOUR LEFT IS A CHRISTIAN

ORGANIZATION, YIM-KHA.

Y.M.C.A.

YIM-KHA."

AND ANY SECOND I EXPECTED

THE VILLAGE PEOPLE TO SHOW UP

AND GO, ♪ YEE-EM-KHI-A

(LAUGHTER)

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