Kyle Grooms - Un-brainwashed

  • Season 11 , Ep 6
  • 01/25/2007
  • Views: 5,007

Kyle Grooms tries to get un-brainwashed. (2:06)

LIKE THE WORLD, SOMETIMES YOU KNOW THEY SOCIALIZE YOU.

THEY WANT YOU TO OBEY ORDERS AND IT FREAKS YOU OUT.

YOU EVER DO THAT? LIKE YOU EVER WALK IN A BANK

AND NOBODY'S IN THERE, BUT YOU STILL WALK THROUGH

- THE ROPES? - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S LIKE WHY AM I DOING THIS?!

THERE'S NOBODY IN HERE!

I'M BRAINWASHED.

THEY TURNING ME INTO A ROBOT.

WHEN THEY DON'T TURN YOU INTO A ROBOT,

PEOPLE GET FIRED FOR ROBOTS.

I KNOW PEOPLE THAT LOST THEIR JOB AFTER 30 YEARS OF WORK.

THEY WENT IN THEIR CUBICLE AND HAD A NOTE THAT SAID,

"GET YOUR ASS OUT." AND THEY'RE LIKE, HELL, WHAT IS THIS?

'GET YOUR ASS OUT.' WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"

"AH, YOU SUPPOSED TO GET YOUR ASS OUT."

"BUT I BEEN HERE 30 YEARS." "WE'LL GIVE YOU 30 MINUTES."

"WHAT ABOUT JOB SECURITY." "THEY'LL BE UP HERE IN FIVE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I HOPE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN WITH COMEDY, RIGHT?

YOU COME TO A COMEDY SHOW, BE A ROBOT ON STAGE.

[AUTOMATED VOICE] "FOR FAMILY JOKES, PRESS ONE.

"RELATIONSHIP JOKES PRESS TWO,FOR PENIS JOKES, PRESS--

THESE NUTS.

- THESE NUTS." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I KNOW THAT'S A FIFTH GRADE JOKE, BUT I LOVE IT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THESE NUTS, THAT'S ONE OF THE BEST JOKES EVER WRITTEN, MAN.

THESE NUTS. IT'S EASY. ANYBODY CAN DO IT.

GO TO WORK ON MONDAY, BE LIKE, "BOSS?" "WHAT?" "THESE NUTS."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YOU WILL LAUGH ALL THE WAY TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE.

THESE NUTS.

AND, GIRLS,Y'ALL COULD TRY IT, TOO.

YOU DO-- "THESE OVARIES. GET THESE OVARIES."

I LOVE WOMEN, MAN, Y'ALL SPECIAL.

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