Uncensored - Giraldo Tribute - Feeding the Monster

Season 1 , Ep 101 03/18/11 Views: 7,788

Jon Stewart praises Greg Giraldo's work ethic, Lewis Black points out that Giraldo could find more ways to attack a joke than seemed possible. (2:00)

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YOU HAVE THE SEX APPEALOF A SCHOOL BUS FIRE.

YOU LOOK LIKE NICK NOLTEFUCKED A CLYDESDALE.

JON LOVITZ,YOU FUCKING GAY WEEBLE.

COME ON, JON, THERE HASN'TBEEN A MORE EFFEMINATE JEW

IN THE CLOSETSINCE ANNE FRANK.

[laughter]

- I THINK YOU CAN GET TO KNOWHIS PERSONALITY AT THE ROASTS,

BUT THE REAL GREG,YOU KNOW,

FANS WOULD GET TO KNOW HIMIF THEY WENT TO SEE HIM LIVE.

- A LOT OF MY FRIENDS,YOU KNOW, HAVE A LOT OF MONEY,

AND THEY WERE CALLING ME UP,YOU KNOW,

"HEY, DID YOU LOSE A LOT OFMONEY IN THE STOCK MARKET?

DID YOU GET CREAMED?"BUT I'VE HAD A LOT

OF PERSONAL PROBLEMSIN THE LAST FEW YEARS,

SO I DON'T HAVEANY MONEY AT ALL.

SO THEY'RE CALLING ME UP.I'M LIKE, "NO.

"ACTUALLY I HAVE EXACTLYTHE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY NOW

AS I DID WHEN ALLTHIS [bleep] STARTED."

TURNS OUT INVESTING ALL MYMONEY IN TEQUILA AND STRIPPERS

WASN'T SUCH A BAD POLICYAFTER ALL, YOU KNOW?

[cheering]

- HE WAS SUCH A LIFE-FORCE.

HE WAS SO ANIMATED,

SO INTELLIGENT,SO PRESENT.

IT'S THE WAYHE ATTACKED A CROWD.

- NOW THEY HAVETHESE DVD SCREENS,

AND PEOPLE ARE PLAYING PORNDRIVING AROUND IN THESE SUVS

WITH PORN PLAYINGON THEIR DVD.

WHAT THE HELL KINDA--WHAT IFYOU GET IN AN ACCIDENT?

THE WHOLE CAR IS TOTALED,

BUT THE PORN IS STILLBLARING AWAY ON THE SIDEWALK.

- GIRALDO BELONGEDTO THE CLASS OF US

THAT WERE WORKERS,THAT SAT AND WROTE AND TRIED,

AND HE WAS ALWAYS PREPARED.

- HE WAS LIKEA FUCKING MINER.

YOU KNOW, HE WAS JUST--EXCAVATE.

HE WOULD HIT THE JOKEAND THEN HIT IT AGAIN

AND THEN HIT IT AGAINAND THEN HIT IT AGAIN,

AND HE'D FIND MOREAND MORE AND MORE.

- I'M PISSING IN THE SINKBECAUSE MY CRAZY WIFE

HAS LOCKED HERSELFIN OUR ONE BATHROOM,

AND SHE WON'T COME OUT

TILL I ADMIT THAT I HAVEA DRINKING PROBLEM.

WELL, IT'S GONNA BEA LONG WAIT, BUTTERCUP,

SO HANG IN THERE.

I'LL ALWAYS DO STAND-UP.

MY ENTIRE LIFE IS JUST TRYINGTO FUEL THIS STAND-UP MONSTER,

YOU KNOW, COME UP WITH IDEAS

AND COME UP WITH THINGSTO TALK ABOUT.

I CAN'T IMAGINE NOT DOING IT.

BUT I ALSO THINKTHAT ONCE YOU STOP,

THEN YOU REALLY STOPFOR GOOD.

THIS IN-AND-OUT THING,IS JUST, IT'S TOO PAINFUL

TO REGROUP AND RESTART,

AND YOU GOTTA BE IN ITALL THE WAY.

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