Pete Holmes - KKC

  • Season 1 , Ep 3
  • 01/22/2010
  • Views: 14,958

Pete Holmes likes the idea of a guy who hates bad spelling and people who are different. (2:41)

BUT DO YOU THINK IN THE VERYFIRST MEETING OF THE KKK

ANYONE PUSHED FOR THE CORRECTSPELLING OF "CLAN"?

(laughter)

JUST SOME GUY IN THE BACKWITH A TORCH

DRIVING THEM CRAZY,LIKE...

"IT'S KKC!"THEN THEY GET HIM.

THEY'RE GONNA GET HIM FOR THAT.

I JUST LIKE THE IDEA OF A GUYWHO HATES BAD SPELLING

AND PEOPLE WHO ARE DIFFERENT.(laughter)

(applause)

YOU GUYS ARE NICE.IN PENNSYLVANIA--

YOU KNOW,A LIFELONG DREAM OF MINE

IS TO GO INTO AN AMISHNEIGHBORHOOD

AND JUST GO UP TO A AMISH CHILDAND SHOW THEM "STAR WARS,"

LIKE, "THIS IS HAPPENING!"JUST RUN AWAY.

(laughter)

YOU'RE LIKE, "THIS IS REAL!OUT THERE, HA-HA!"

BUSHES, NIGHTFALL.

HE'S LIKE, "I COULD HAVEA LIGHTSABER."

BUTTER,HE'S BACK TO THE BUTTER.

(laughter)

SILLY.

TECHNOLOGY CAN BE WEIRD,THOUGH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN GETTINGA LOT OF IS PHANTOM VIBRATIONS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKINGABOUT?

WHERE I'LL BE ON MY CELL PHONE,BUT I FEEL IN MY POCKET LIKE--

(imitates vibrating phone)

(laughter)

HOLD ON.

I THINK I BOUGHTANOTHER PHONE.

(laughter)

NOPE.

IT WAS MY LEG.

AND WE JUST ACCEPT THAT.

WE'RE LIKE,"IT WAS YOUR LEG VIBRATING

"AS UNTO A CELL PHONE?

"STOP THE INVESTIGATION.THAT MAKES SENSE."

THAT'S WEIRD.

WHAT'S EVEN WEIRDERIS THERE WAS A TIME

BEFORE WE HAD CELL PHONESWHEN WE WERE GETTING THOSE.

10, 15 YEARS AGO,IT'D JUST BE LIKE--

(imitates vibrating phone)

I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GUESS...

AS TO WHAT THAT COULD BE.

THAT MAKES ME THINK.

WHAT PHYSICAL QUIRKSARE WE GETTING NOW

THAT WILL CORRESPOND TO FUTURETECHNOLOGIES NOT YET INVENTED?

LIKE IN THE FUTURE,EVERY TIME YOU GET AN EYE TWITCH

ARE YOU GONNA BE LIKE,"OH... THOUGHT I JUST DOWNLOADED

"THE FIRST SEASON OF'EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND'...

(laughter)

"ONTO MY DIGITALCONTACT LENS.

"THAT WAS A PHANTOM.IT'S A PHANTOM.

"BUT THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.I'M GONNA DO THAT.

ACTIVATE!"THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.

"ACTIVATE!"

(imitates Ray Romano)"OH, YEAH!"

THE SOUND COMES OUTYOUR MOUTH FOR NO REASON.

(cheers and applause)

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