Hannibal Buress - Emergency Room Experience

  • Season 3 , Ep 2
  • 07/27/2012
  • Views: 26,553

Hannibal Buress has health insurance and will curse as much as he wants. (2:55)

HE COMES TO THE ER,AND SOME MALE NURSE SEES--

"OH, IT'S AZIZ ANSARIWITH THE MOVIE

"GET HIM TO THE GREEK"AND "FUNNY PEOPLE." OH, MAN!"

YEAH, HE WAS IN THOSE MOVIES,

BUT I'M STARRING INA REALITY SHOW

CALLED DUDE BLEEDING OUTOF HIS HEAD, RIGHT NOW.

AND I THINK YOU NEED TO TURNDOWN YOUR FANDOM

AND BE A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL'CAUSE I'M FADING IN AND OUT.

SO I GET MY NURSE,HER NAME WAS JILL.

SHE WAS COUNTRY AS HELL.

SHE COULD'VE BEEN AN EXTRAIN A BUBBA SPARXXX VIDEO,

THAT'S HOW COUNTRYSHE WAS.

"MY NAME JILL.THEY CALL ME JILL BILLY."

UH...

TOO COUNTRY TO TREAT ME.

YOU CAN BE SOUTHERN,

BUT DON'T HAVE A THICKSOUTHERN ACCENT

IF YOU'RE GONNA GIVE MEMEDICAL TREATMENT.

"CAN I HELP YOUWITH SUMTHIN', SIR?"

YEAH, YOU CAN GIVE ME SOMEBODYWHO DOESN'T TALK LIKE YOU.

AND THEN YOU COULD GO GET MESOME BISCUITS,

TALKING LIKE THAT.

(laughter)

I WAS CURSING A LOT.

I DON'T REMEMBER EXACTLYWHAT I WAS SAYING.

I WAS CURSING'CAUSE MY HEAD WAS SPLIT OPEN.

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY.I WAS DRUNK.

I CURSE WHEN THOSETHING AREN'T HAPPENING TO ME.

I DON'T REMEMBER EXACTLY,(bleep), THIS (bleep) SUCKS!

I'M IN SOUTH CAROLINA.WITH MY HEAD SPLIT OPEN!

NA-A-A-AH!

"SIR, ENOUGH PROFANITY."

HEY, SHUT THE (bleep) UP,JILL BILLY!

I GOT HEALTH INSURANCE.I'LL CURSE AS MUCH AS I WANT!

"SIR, THERE ARE FAMILIESIN HERE!"

OH, SO MY CURSING IS RUININGTHEIR EMERGENCY ROOM EXPERIENCE?

(laughter and applause)

IT'S USUALLY SUCHA PLEASANT PLACE.

HOW WAS YOUR ER EXPERIENCE?

"WHEN MY DAD GOT SHOT,

THE DOCTORS AND NURSESWERE VERY ATTENTIVE.

THE FACILITIES WERE TOP-NOTCH,BUT WHAT RUINED IT

WAS THE GUY IN THE NEXT BED

WHO JUST KEPT SAYINGMOTHER (bleep)"

SO THE DOCTOR COMES IN,HE EXPLAINS WHAT'S GOING ON.

"HANNIBAL, YOU HAVE A GASHIN YOUR FOREHEAD

SO WE NEED ABOUT SEVENSTITCHES TO SEW THAT UP,

AND YOU ALSO HAVE A SLIGHTFRACTURE IN YOUR SKULL.

BUT THAT WILL HEAL ON ITS OWNIN THREE TO FOUR WEEKS.

I SAID, "DUDE, DID YOU JUST TELLME MY FACE IS BROKEN?"

HE SAID, "YES, IT'LL HEALON ITS OWN IN FEW WEEKS."

AND I-- WAIT,WHY ARE SAYING THAT SO CALMLY?

'CAUSE NOW YOU'RE MAKING MEFEEL CALM ABOUT IT,

AND THAT'S NOT HOWI WANNA FEEL ABOUT IT.

I NEED YOU TO--MY FACEIS BROKEN, MAN,

SHOW SOME INTEN--DUDE! YOUR FACE IS BROKEN.

WHAT--NOT WORRY,'CAUSE I GOT A CRACKED SKULL,

WHAT IF I'M WALKING AROUNDTHE STREETS,

ONE OF MY ENEMIES FIND OUT,

THEY UPPERCUT ME,MY TOP GETS POPPED,

MY BRAIN FALLS OUTIN THE STREET,

I DIE LIKE THAT.

MY MOM WILL BE HORRIFIEDIF I DIE LIKE THAT.

SEW MY SKULL UP, MAN,I GOT HEALTH INSURANCE.

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