Kyle Kinane - Cab to Wendy's

Kyle Kinane: Whiskey Icarus Season 1, Ep 101 11/24/2012 Views: 14,918

After getting too drunk to drive, Kyle Kinane has a Saturday night adventure with a reluctant cab driver. (2:29)

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I think a lot of comedy comesfrom sharing experiences

things that we can relate to.

Keeping that in mind,

anybody else in hereget so drunk last month,

you had to call a cabjust to take you to Wendy's?

A real successful Saturday nighthome alone.

"I want those spicy nuggets!

"You're too drunk to drive.

"Well, call a cab,'cause you deserve 'em."

That's what I did.

I called a cab,and another grown man

drove to my house...for money,

because that was his job.

And he got to my house,and I jumped in his cab,

and I said this.

Don't do what I didwhen you get a cab.

I just jumped in,and I just said,

"We're goingon an adventure!"

That's just $80on the meter right away.

"You smell like you'reprobably gonna barf in here,

"so we're starting at 80.

Doesn't matterwhere you're going."

And so we drove to the Wendy's,

and I made him take methrough the drive-thru

because I did not trust himnot to leave me there.

But this is whereI got in trouble, see,

is 'cause he was drivinga van cab,

which means I had to openthe whole side door

to place my order.

I was like,"Well, there's no way in hell

I'm not gonna fallon my ass doing this."

So I had one handwrapped up in the seatbelt.

I was just kind ofhanging out the side

like a helicoptermachine gunner.

I was just kind ofhanging out.

I realized like,"Oh, this is how they do

"the high-speedransom exchanges

"in the action moviesI love so much.

I'm gonna Bruce Willisthe [bleep] out of this."

So I wasn't even at the window,I was just hanging out.

I was like,"You throw me the nuggets,

I'll throw you the cash!"

So I got the stuff,

I'm yellingat the getaway driver--

At this point,it's the "getaway driver."

It's like,"I got the package, step on it!

Go!"

But he's not in it.

He's like, "I cannot goif the door is open.

"I cannot driveif the door is open.

"It is ille--it's an illegal thing

for me to dowith the door open."

But somebody clearlyhad not taken improv classes

in collegelike some other of us have.

"You are not 'Yes And'-ing.

[laughter]

"Yeah, you happy? Yeah.

"This other Frosty was gonna be for you,

and you blew it."