Kirk Fox - Steak

  • Season 1, Ep 0105
  • 08/10/2006
  • Views: 15,933

Kirk won't eat steak that's had a better life than him. (2:47)

145 bucks for a piece of meat.

I'm like, "Dude, what the...Come on."

He's like, "It's Kobe beef.

"It's the best beefin the world.

It's from Kobe, Japan."

"So, what, I have to pay forthe flight over for this cow?"

He's like, "It's massagedevery day of its life,

"only drinks beer and sake,

listens to classical music."

"Dude, why am I eating something

that has hada better life than I have?"

You know?

He's, like, this guy's like,

"Listen, it's massagedright up till

"they slit its throat.

That's why the meat'sso tender."

And I'm thinking,"This has got to be

the only massage in Japanwith an unhappy ending."

Here's what I think.

Save that, because here's...

It's gonna be good.

Then you can combineall the claps.

I know you guysare anxious to just clap.

Just save it.Let's just get

one big one at the end.

Actually, save itfor the next guy.

I don't need it.

I'm at peace.

But here's what I think.

Here's what I think.

I think food should be pricedby the speed of the animal,

how difficult it is to catch.

And I don't think I should pay145 bucks for anything

I can sneak up onand tip over when it sleeps.

I'll pay 145 bucks for somethingthat can sneak up on me,

you know, tip me overwhen I sleep.

You know?

I'll pay for a cheetah burgerwith cheese.

You know?

Bigfoot-- I'll pay for that.

Abominable snow cone monster--

that's expensive.

Bagels and lox Ness something--

Yeah.

Turtle soup-- no.

Snails-- never.

I don't care how slippery it is.

I'm not paying foranything I can step on

or run overon the way to the restaurant.

So I was a tennis player,

ranked in the world.

Third World.

But the question everyoneasks me, they're, like,

"Listen, you're a protennis player.

Can you beat Anna Kournikova?"

Well, I played hertwo months ago

in a little celebritycharity event.

I don't care how much betteryou are than somebody,

it's impossible to serveand volley with an erection.

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