A Manly, Handcrafted Axe

  • Season 1, Ep 3
  • 02/05/2014
  • Views: 7,124

The girls speculate about what's in the package Abbi has agreed to accept for her hot neighbor, and Lincoln renames Ilana's newly acquired dogs. (2:09)

(Ilana)Yeah!

I'm making bank, bitch!

Oh, my God.

You are insane.

Ab, I'm becoming a mogul a laJay-Z, a la Martha Stewart,

a la Bethenny Frankel.

From "Housewives"?Yeah.

Next thing you know, I'mbackstage at Barclays

with RiRi and Bebe--Who?

Rihanna and Beyonce.

And we're just laughingand sipping on champagne

with like, candlelight.'Cause that happensall the time.

RiRi leans in for a kissand then she--

Goes down on you.Yeah.

Yeah, you-- you saythat story a lot.

Oh... cool.

Oh, my God!

I didn't know you hadplans with Lincoln.We don't have plans.

We're just going to have sex atone of these dogs' apartments.

Super classy.

I'd do it.

I'd pick up your poop,you're worth it.

So I know why I missedthe window.

I jinxed myself.Why, what do you mean?

'Cause I boughttoo many condoms.

It's the storyof my life,

so just gonnadeal with it.

But I won'tmake out with you.

That's what white people do,that dog thing.

Black people don'tmake out with dogs.

So what do you think is inJeremy's package?

Oh , look at you.

You're standoffish, huh?

I've narrowed it downto a bunch of things.

I made a little list here.

Okay, so I think it's either,um, clues to a mystery

that he's gonna solve,

a manly handcrafted axe,

or a really great belt.

Nah, dude,it's a Fleshlight.

Ilana, why do you have toruin him for me?

It's not a Fleshlight.(text alert)

It's healthy.

I gotta head backto the office.

One of these dumb kids brokehis jaw on a Jawbreaker.

Why would you even do that?

It does exactly whatit says it's gonna do.

Lincoln, you gave all these dogsall your love and now you're

leaving me like,tight and dry.

I'll kick itwith you later.Okay, cool.

See you later,General Tso.

Is that his name?

Yeah, I name them based ontheir personalities.

There's General Tso,there's Dumbface.

That's Ballsack,

and that is starof "Ugly Betty"

and "Who's the Boss?"

The wonderful,the esteemed...

Judith Light!

(Abbi)Oh, my God.

She is!

That's so Judith!That is dead on!

All right,I'll see y'all later.

All right, peace.Later, Judith.

Judith, now that I know thatyou are Judith Light,

I can't let you backin that tiny-ass apartment.

We'll dropthese bitches off

and you're chillingwith me all day.(whimpering)

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