Mitch Hedberg - Knocking on Walls

  • Season 1 , Ep 6
  • 01/04/1999
  • Views: 63,849

When Mitch Hedberg's neighbor knocks on the wall, he tells him to go around. (2:15)

HEY, WELCOMETO MY HALF-HOUR SPECIAL.

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO I AM?

WHY DID A BUNCH OF PEOPLEWHO DON'T KNOW WHO I AM

SHOW AT MY SPECIAL?

I USED TO LIVE HEREIN LOS ANGELES ON SIERRA BONITA

AND I HAD AN APARTMENTAND I HAD A NEIGHBOR

AND WHENEVER HE WOULD KNOCKON MY WALL

I KNEW HE WANTED METO TURN MY MUSIC DOWN

AND THAT MADE ME ANGRY'CAUSE I LIKE LOUD MUSIC

SO WHEN HE KNOCKED ON THE WALL,I'D MESS WITH HIS HEAD.

I'D SAY, "GO AROUND."

I CANNOT OPEN THE WALL.

( laughter )

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVEA DOORKNOB ON THE OTHER SIDE

BUT OVER HERE THERE'S NOTHING.

IT'S JUST FLAT.

I LIKE AN ESCALATOR, MAN

'CAUSE AN ESCALATORCAN NEVER BREAK.

IT CAN ONLY BECOME STAIRS.

( laughter and applause )

ALL RIGHT.

THERE WOULD NEVER BE

AN "ESCALATOR TEMPORARILYOUT OF ORDER" SIGN

ONLY AN"ESCALATOR TEMPORARILY STAIRS.

SORRY FOR THE CONVENIENCE."

I RENT A LOT OF CARS, YOU KNOW,'CAUSE I GO ON THE ROAD.

I RENT CARS,AND, WHEN I DRIVE A RENTAL CAR

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ONWITH IT, RIGHT?

SO A LOT OF TIMES I'LL DRIVELIKE FOR TEN MILES

WITH THE EMERGENCY BRAKE ON.

THAT DOESN'T SAY A LOTFOR ME

BUT IT REALLY DOESN'T SAY A LOTFOR THE EMERGENCY BRAKE.

IT'S REALLY NOTAN EMERGENCY BRAKE.

IT'S AN EMERGENCYMAKE-THE-CAR-SMELL-FUNNY LEVER.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T PLEASEALL THE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME

AND LAST NIGHT, ALL THOSE PEOPLEWERE AT MY SHOW.

( laughter )

TO DO THIS SHOW,I HAD TO LIKE TAKE A PHYSICAL.

THEY ASKED ME A BUNCHOF MEDICAL QUESTIONS

AND THEY WERE LIKE"YES OR NO" QUESTIONS

BUT THEY WEREVERY STRANGELY WORDED.

LIKE,"HAVE YOU EVER TRIED SUGAR...

OR P.C.P.?"

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