Todd Barry - Kmart in New York

  • Season 2, Ep 10
  • 07/23/1999
  • Views: 5,946

( audience applauding )

THIS CITY HAS CHANGED

AND WE HAVE K-MART NOWIN NEW YORK CITY.

SOME NEW YORKERS WERE PISSED OFFWHEN K-MART CAME TO TOWN.

THEY WERE OUTSIDE THE STOREPROTESTING.

THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOWWHAT TO SAY.

THEY WERE LIKE,"DOWN WITH K-MART

AND THEIR MERCHANDISETHAT PEOPLE CAN AFFORD."

"DOWN WITH K-MARTAND THEIR 300-GALLON DRUM

"OF LAUNDRY DETERGENTFOR 99 CENTS.

"WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE YOURGOOD VALUES TO ANOTHER TOWN?

"LET'S TURN THAT BUILDINGINTO A VINTAGE CLOTHING STORE.

THE KIND THAT SELLSUSED K-MART SHIRTS FOR $700."

I LIKE THE BIG BOOKSTORESWE HAVE IN TOWN.

THE BARNES AND NOBLE,THE BORDERS?

THEY HAVE THE LOWEST PRESSURESALES STAFF ON EARTH.

YOU CAN GO IN THEREAND PULL TEN BOOKS OFF THE SHELF

GO, "HEY, WHERE DO I PAYFOR THESE?"

"PAY FOR THEM? READ THEM HERE."

THESE BOOKSTORES ARE TOO BIG.

THEY HAVE SHELVES THEY DON'TEVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH.

THEY HAVE THE EMPLOYEERECOMMENDATION SHELF.

"OH, GOLLY, I DON'T KNOWWHAT BOOK TO GET. HMM...

"HOW ABOUT SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

AS RECOMMENDEDBY JIMMY THE STOCK CLERK."

"OH, LET'S SEE.

"JIMMY WROTE ON THIS LITTLE CARD

"THAT HE BOUGHT THIS BOOK,AND QUOTE:

"'TURNED HIS WHOLE LIFE AROUND.'

"WHAT WAS HE DOING BEFOREHE READ THE BOOK?

JIMMY, WHAT WAS GOING ONWITH YOU, MAN?"

THEY SELL BOOK LIGHTS NOW.

BOOK LIGHTS-- A LITTLE SPOTLIGHTYOU ATTACH TO YOUR BOOK.

YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY THOUGHTOF BUYING ONE OF THESE

AND THEN I REMEMBERED,"I OWN A LAMP."

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