Hugh Fink - The Mafia

  • Season 2 , Ep 6
  • 06/25/1999
  • Views: 1,347

Hugh Fink imagines John Gotti's statement in court. (2:24)

WE'RE GOING TO LOOK BACK

ON THE IMPEACHMENT HEARINGSOF BILL CLINTON

AND BE EMBARRASSED AS A NATION,ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY

THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSONIN THE WHOLE PROCESS WAS IGNORED

AND THAT WASSENATOR STROM THURMOND.

FIRST OF ALL, THIS GUY ISSO SENILE-- SENATOR THURMOND--

HE READS QUESTIONSTHAT HIS ASSISTANTS WRITE HIM

AND THEN, HE DOESN'T EVENLISTEN TO THE ANSWER.

"UH, MISS LEWINSKY

"CAN YOU TELL THIS COMMITTEE

DID YOU AND PRESIDENT CLINTONHAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS?"

"WELL, SENATOR, WHAT DO YOUMEAN, SIR-- 'SEXUAL RELATIONS'?"

"THANK YOU VERY MUCHFOR YOUR ANSWER.

"I HAVE NO FURTHER QUESTIONSAT THIS TIME.

"AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FORCOMING DOWN HERE, MISS LEWINSKY

"AND TESTIFYINGTO THIS COMMITTEE

"'CAUSE YOU'RE A REALPRETTY GIRL, YOU KNOW THAT?

"IF YOU DON'T MINDTAKING OFF THAT T-SHIRT

"AND SHAKING THEM BOOBIES

"'CAUSE I GOT A WOODYTHE SIZE OF CHARLESTON!"

I LOVE WATCHING LIVE,REAL COURTROOMS ON TELEVISION.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE THING TO DO

AND, UH, I KNOW JOHN GOTTI, JR.PLED GUILTY RECENTLY

BUT IN MY LIFETIME, I THINK

THE MOST INTENSE TRIALI'VE EVER SEEN ON TELEVISION

WAS HIS FATHER, JOHN GOTTI.

THAT WAS AMAZING,BECAUSE THE JUDGE ASKED GOTTI

IF HE'D LIKE TO MAKEA STATEMENT TO THE COURT.

NOW, COME ON.

WHAT'S GOTTI GOING TO SAY?

"YES, YOUR HONOR.

"I HAVE A STATEMENT PREPARED.

"YOU'RE DEAD!

"HOW DOES THAT SOUND? HUH?

"DEAD!

"AND THE JURY-- GUESS WHAT?

"YOU'RE DEAD, TOO!

"HEY, BAILIFF,YOU'RE ( bleep ) DEAD!

"THE GUY WITH THE CANDY MACHINEWHOSE NAME I DON'T...

YOU'RE ( bleep ) DEAD,MY FRIEND! DEAD!"

( applause )

I SAW THIS REALLY COOLDOCUMENTARY ON HBO.

IT WAS EX-MAFIA GUYS

WHO'VE BECOME GOVERNMENTWITNESSES, RIGHT?

AND ONE OF THEM SAYS,"I TOLD THE FEDS

"THERE WAS ONLY ONE PLACE

"WHERE I COULD WEARA HIDDEN MICROPHONE

"WHERE THEY'D NEVER SEARCH ME.

"SO THEY PUT IT IN MY, UH...

HOW DO YOU DO."

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT HE CALLED IT--

HIS "HOW DO YOU DO."

SO, LET ME GET THIS RIGHT:

THE MAFIA WILL KILL PEOPLEIN COLD BLOOD

YET THEY'LL REPLACEGENITAL EXPRESSIONS

WITH NICE GREETINGS.

"YEAH, THIS ONE TIME,THIS ( bleep ) OWED 50 GRAND

"SO I TOOK HIM TO AN ALLEYAND I SHOVED MY FIST

"UP HIS 'GOOD MORNING, NEIGHBOR.HOW'S THE WIFE AND KIDS?'"

Loading...