Pete Holmes - Really?

  • Season 14, Ep 4
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 35,250

There are a lot of things that Pete Holmes thinks adults should stop doing and saying. (1:47)

SHOULD STOP DOING.

ONE OF THEM IS THIS JOKE.

"REALLY?"THAT'S GOT TO STOP.

"REALLY?"

IT'S KIND OF ALL I SAY OFFSTAGE.

"REALLY? REALLY?

"COLD SOUP? REALLY?

REALLY, GAZPACHO? REALLY?"

IT'S ALL I HAVE.

I WAS ALMOST HIT BY A CAR.

I ALMOST DIED BY A CAR.

I LOOKED IN THE WINDOW.THE GUY WAS READING.

I THINK AN ADULT MAN WOULDGET ANGRY IN THAT SITUATION.

NOT ME.I JUST GO, "REALLY?

"REALLY?DRIVING WHILST READING?

REALLY?"

[ Slurring ] "REALLY?"

I DON'T EVEN SAY THE FULL WORDSOMETIMES.

[ GRUNTING ]

IT'S AN EGYPTIAN SUN GOD.

[ GRUNTS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING,DOING BACKFLIPS,

LIGHTING MATTRESSES ON FIRE.

LIKE, "YOU'RE ROBIN WILLIAMS."

[ GRUNTS ] "REALLY?"

WE GOT TO STOP THAT.

THERE'S A LOT OF JOKESI THINK WE SHOULD STOP MAKING,

AND NOW THAT I HAVEYOU ALL HERE, I THINKWE SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT.

FOR EXAMPLE,WHEN YOU'RE IN A STORE

AND YOU'RE TRYINGTO BUY SOMETHING,

YOU GET UP TO THE CASHIER,THEY TRY AND SCAN IT.

WON'T SCAN, SO THEY DON'T KNOWHOW MUCH IT IS, DOESN'T SCAN.

10 TIMES OUT OF 10,

A KNUCKLEHEAD IN THAT SITUATIONWILL GO,

"OH, YEAH?

MUST BE FREE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH IT IS?

"I'LL WAGER A GUESS.

"FREE?

"IS IT FREE?

GIVE THAT TO ME FOR FREE."

SHUT UP!THAT JOKE IS OVER!

THEY HEAR ITA THOUSAND TIMES A DAY!

IT'S NOT FREE.YOU'RE FREE.

YOU'RE WORTHLESS.BE QUIET.

WHEN I'M WALKING ON THE STREETAND A GROUP OF MY FRIENDS,

WE SEE A LIMOUSINE, ALWAYSONE PERSON IN THE GROUP WILL GO,

"OH, MY RIDE IS HERE!"

BE QUIET.

YOU'RE A DICK.NO ONE LIKES YOU.

I WANT TO HIT YOU IN THE HEADWITH A FROZEN HAM.

AN AMBULANCE IS YOUR RIDE.

YOU RIDE A HUFFY.

Loading...