Tom Rhodes - What It Takes

Benson, Rhodes, DeVido Season 2, Ep 1 05/31/1994 Views: 2,310

Why does it always take a war to get anything done? (2:24)

Check this out.

I'm ready to file, I'm goingthrough the yellow pages trying

to find somebodyto help me, right?

I find-- come across--Christian tax services.

Now I believe in God.

And I believe in Jesus.

But when it comes to my taxes,I want the lyingest cheatingest

scum on the planet to helpme screw the government, man.

You know, we gotthings to pay for.

I understand that.

We still got troopsin Somalia, you know.

Isn't that amazingthat's the only way

we know how toget anything done.

Sending guys in there withbazookas and M16s going,

eat the sandwich, eat it!

Eat the damn sandwich, eat it!

All right, is everybodyproperly nourished?

Pull out!

Gays in the military--I can't believe

they had a hard timepushing that through.

I'm all for gays in themilitary, I tell you what.

If I'm getting shot atand watching my buddies

die all day, I'mgonna need a hug.

They had that big gay rallyin Washington DC, man.

I wish-- I'm not gay-- butI wish I'd been there, man.

You know?

They throw a great party,you know, nonetheless.

I live in San Francisco.

And I swear to God, thebest day of the year

to be in San Franciscois for the gay parade.

Swear to God, themost beautiful thing

you'll ever see in yourlife, man-- different people

getting along on this planet.

My only complaint-- if you'regoing to march your ass

through the center of townonly wearing penis cuffs,

you should at least concentrateon some kind of abdominal

work out.



Nothing worse thana guy with a pot

belly that thinkshe's sexy, man.

And that's nothingagainst my gay brothers.

I'm just saying, Jesusdo some crunches.

You know?

I mean-- you know when theparade is, build up to that.

I would train likethe Olympics if I

had to walk throughtown in penis cuffs.

I read a frighteningstatistic, man.

Did you know that last yearAmericans spent more money

on La-Z-Boy recliners thanwe did on AIDS research?

You also realize if La-Z-Boymade a feature that scratched

your ass, we wouldnever leave the house?

That would be theextremely La-Z-Boy.

You guys are great,thanks a lot.