Check this out.
I'm ready to file, I'm goingthrough the yellow pages trying
to find somebodyto help me, right?
I find-- come across--Christian tax services.
Now I believe in God.
And I believe in Jesus.
But when it comes to my taxes,I want the lyingest cheatingest
scum on the planet to helpme screw the government, man.
You know, we gotthings to pay for.
I understand that.
We still got troopsin Somalia, you know.
Isn't that amazingthat's the only way
we know how toget anything done.
Sending guys in there withbazookas and M16s going,
eat the sandwich, eat it!
Eat the damn sandwich, eat it!
All right, is everybodyproperly nourished?
Gays in the military--I can't believe
they had a hard timepushing that through.
I'm all for gays in themilitary, I tell you what.
If I'm getting shot atand watching my buddies
die all day, I'mgonna need a hug.
They had that big gay rallyin Washington DC, man.
I wish-- I'm not gay-- butI wish I'd been there, man.
They throw a great party,you know, nonetheless.
I live in San Francisco.
And I swear to God, thebest day of the year
to be in San Franciscois for the gay parade.
Swear to God, themost beautiful thing
you'll ever see in yourlife, man-- different people
getting along on this planet.
My only complaint-- if you'regoing to march your ass
through the center of townonly wearing penis cuffs,
you should at least concentrateon some kind of abdominal
Nothing worse thana guy with a pot
belly that thinkshe's sexy, man.
And that's nothingagainst my gay brothers.
I'm just saying, Jesusdo some crunches.
I mean-- you know when theparade is, build up to that.
I would train likethe Olympics if I
had to walk throughtown in penis cuffs.
I read a frighteningstatistic, man.
Did you know that last yearAmericans spent more money
on La-Z-Boy recliners thanwe did on AIDS research?
You also realize if La-Z-Boymade a feature that scratched
your ass, we wouldnever leave the house?
That would be theextremely La-Z-Boy.
You guys are great,thanks a lot.