Kevin Nealon - Vacation

  • Season 2 , Ep 1
  • 05/28/1999
  • Views: 3,517

Kevin Nealon takes a trip upstate. (3:36)

I'M GOING TO GOTO UPSTATE NEW YORK.

NEW YORK'S THE ONLY STATETHAT HAS AN UPSTATE.

HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT?

OTHER STATES HAVE APPLIEDFOR IT, BUT THEY CAN'T GET IT.

BUT I'M GOING TO GO UPTO, UH, RHINEBECK

AND THE...

IN FACT, YOU GOT A MINUTE?

LET ME SHOW YOU WHERE I'M GOING.

MAYBE YOU CAN MAKESOME SUGGESTIONS.

THE GUY AT THE HOTEL WAS NICE.

HE WENT ON AND ON ABOUTWHERE I SHOULD GO

AND WHAT I SHOULD SEEAND ALL THAT STUFF.

BUT, YOU KNOW, I FELT LIKEGRABBING THE MAP AFTER A WHILE

AND RUNNING AWAY,BUT HE WOULDN'T LET IT GO.

WHAT DO THEY GLUETHESE THINGS HERE?

( laughter )

ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT.

THEY ALWAYS DO THIS--

THEY LOOK AT YOUR MAP--

THEY SAY, "OKAY, YOU WANTTO GO SOMEPLACE NICE?

"OKAY, HERE'S WHEREYOU WANT TO GO.

"OKAY... ALL RIGHT, WELL,IT'S NOT ON THIS MAP.

"WHAT YOU WANT TO DO THOUGH

"IS YOU WANT TO COME UP 287OVER HERE, OKAY?

"GET OFF AT EXIT 5 OVER HERE.

"YOU'LL SEE A BEAUTIFUL HOTEL,A LAKE.

TAKE THE MAP THOUGH,JUST IN CASE YOU GET LOST."

THEY TELL YOU THAT LIKE YOU'REGOING TO GET HALFWAY THERE

AND ASK SOMEBODY ELSEFOR DIRECTIONS, RIGHT?

EXCUSE ME, I'M A LITTLE LOST.

I'M RIGHT HERE NOW.

( laughter )

I'D LIKE TO GET OVER HERE.

BUT I'M GOING TO GO UPTO THE ADIRONDACKS

AND I DON'T KNOW EXACTLYHOW FAR THAT IS.

THESE MILES SCALES IN THE CORNERARE SO INACCURATE.

BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DO ITWITH YOUR FINGERS, YOU KNOW.

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVEA PROTRACTOR IN THE CAR.

THEY OUGHT TO JUST DRAWA LITTLE THUMB AND A FINGER

DOWN THERE LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW?

WHO'S KIDDING WHO?

I WENT TO MICHIGANA COUPLE WEEKS AGO.

ARE YOU GUYSFROM MICHIGAN AT ALL?

( scattered hooting )

PEOPLE THAT LIVE IN MICHIGANARE SO PROUD OF THEIR STATE

BECAUSE IT'S SHAPED LIKE A HAND.

AND THEY LOVE TO SHOW YOUWHERE THEY ARE

BY WHIPPING OUT THEIR HAND.

OKAY, ANN ARBOR'SRIGHT HERE NOW.

YOU WANT TO GO OVER HERE.

SEE, YOU DON'T WANT TO COMEFROM A STATE

THAT'S SHAPED LIKE YOUR BUTT.

OKAY, YOU ARE...

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT

OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT HERE NOW.

YOU WANT TO GO THIS WAY FAST.

I ACTUALLY WENT TO GREECE ONCE.

AMAZING HOW MANY FRATERNITYHOUSES THEY HAVE THERE.

UNBELIEVABLE.

HAD A NICE LITTLE CROSS-COUNTRYDRIVING TRIP LAST SUMMER.

IN FACT, LET ME SHOW YOUWHERE I WENT

ON THE MAP HERE.

OKAY, NOT ON THIS MAP.

BUT PRETEND THAT'S IDAHO.

USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME HELP YOU OUT.

OKAY, THERE'S IDAHO.

OKAY, WHAT I DID WAS,I WENT UP THE COAST OF IDAHO...

UP INTO WASHINGTON.

ALL RIGHT?

JUST CAUGHT THE CORNEROF WASHINGTON

DOWN INTO OREGON.

A LOT OF MOUNTAINS IN OREGON.

WENT ALL THROUGHTHE MOUNTAINS, YOU KNOW.

CAME DOWN INTO CALIFORNIA.

CALIFORNIA WAS NICE.

I THINK PROBABLY, THOUGH,THE NICEST PLACE I WENT

ON THE WHOLE TRIP WAS...

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SAY HAWAII.

WHICH IS OUT HERE.

ALL RIGHT, NOT THE MAIN ISLAND

BUT THOSE TWO LITTLE ISLANDS

THAT ARE RIGHT OFFOF THE MAIN ISLAND, ALL RIGHT?

YOU GOT MAUI...

NO, I'M SORRY.

MAUI... AND I THINK...

NANTUCKET MIGHT HAVE BEENTHE OTHER ONE.

I'M NOT REALLY SURE ABOUT THAT.

IT WAS A GREAT TRIP.

ALTHOUGH THE FLIGHT OUT THEREWAS A LITTLE NERVE-WRACKING.

I THINK THE PILOT WASA LITTLE INEXPERIENCED.

WE'RE SITTING ON THE RUNWAY,HE SAYS

"OKAY, FOLKS, WE'RE GOINGTO BE TAKING IN A FEW...

WHOA, HERE WE GO!"

( laughter )

YOU NEED A VACATION AFTER THAT.

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