Liam McEneaney - SHATS

Short, McEneaney, Michael Jr., Barnes Season 5, Ep 512 12/28/2001 Views: 1,223

Liam discusses a Sexual Harassment Awareness Training seminar. (3:35)

NOW BY 'ROUND OF APPLAUSE--

LET ME GET TO KNOW YOU GUYS

A LITTLE BIT--

BY 'ROUND OF APPLAUSE,

WHO HERE LIKES DOGS?...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SEXUALLY?

(APPLAUSE SUBDUES)

I HEARD THAT ABOUT YOU GUYS,

BUT I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT.

WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT, MAN.

THAT'S TOTALLY COOL WITH ME.

I WAS WORKING AT A JOB ONCE.

THEY SENT ALL OF THE EMPLOYEES

OUT ON A "SEXUAL HARASSMENT

AWARENESS" TRAINING SEMINAR.

OR "S.H.A.T.S" AS I LIKE TO CALL

IT.

(LAUGHTER)

THE THING IS, THIS "S.H.A.T.S."

WAS A REAL WASTE OF MY COMPANIES

TIME A MONEY BECAUSE I AM NOT

INTO SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

I'M INTO SOMETHING I LIKE TO

CALL, "SENSUAL HARASSMENT".

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

IT'S A LOT LIKE SEXUAL

HARASSMENT, BUT IT LAST EIGHT

HOURS.

(LAUGHTER)

I CAN MAKE A WOMAN FEEL

UNCOMFORTABLE ALL DAY LONG.

(APPLAUSE)

I...

I HATE PRETENTIOUS PEOPLE.

LIKE, I HATE THE KIND OF PERSON

WHO'LL THROW A FOREIGN WORD

INTO A CONVERSATION WHEN

AN ENGLISH WORD WOULD DO.

LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO'S

LIKE, "OH, I'LL SEE YOU MA√ĎANA."

(LAUGHTER)

WHEN, WHAT THEY MEAN IS,

"I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW."

OR THE KIND OF PERSON WHO'S

LIKE, "HMM.

I'M REALLY HUNGRY FOR A TACO."

(LAUGHTER)

WHEN WHAT THEY MEAN IS,

"I'M REALLY HUNGRY FOR A COOKED

MEAT SANDWICH IN A TORTILLA

SHELL."

(LAUGHTER)

ANOTHER KIND OF PERSON I HATE IS

MY EX-ROOMMATE.

A COUPLE PEOPLE KNOW HIM

APPARENTLY.

AND FOR THE REST OF YOU...

HE WAS DISGUSTING.

THE FIRST WEEK HE MOVED IN,

HE COMES IN, HE'S LIKE,

"AH, LIUM, I HAD MY GIRLFRIEND

OVER LAST NIGHT.

I HOPE WE DIDN'T KEEP YOU AWAKE

ALL NIGHT WITH THE NOISE.

AH, HA, HA, AH."

IT'S LIKE...

WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED

TO SAY TO YOU?

"AH, NOPE.

I GUESS YOU GUYS BETTER TRY

HARDER NEXT TIME.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I COULD BARELY HEAR YOU,

AND I HAD MY EAR AGAINST YOUR

DOOR."

WHAT I DID SAY TO HIM THOUGH WAS

"YEAH, DON'T WORRY THOUGH.

I WAS WHACKING OFF TO IT."

(LAUGHTER)

"I HOPE THE NOISE DIDN'T KEEP

YOU GUYS AWAKE."

(LAUGHTER)

AND, AH...

I'M GONNA END.

THAT WAS MY COMEDY.

AND NOW I'M GONNA TELL YOU GUYS

SOMETHING SERIOUS.

THIS IS VERY TRUE.

MY PARENTS ARE HERE TONIGHT.

THEY'RE FINDING OUT FOR THE

FIRST TIME.

I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE SHARING

THIS WITH YOU GUYS.

AH...

ME AND MY PEOPLE TODAY JUST

SIGNED A DEAL WITH "DISNEY".

SO I'M ACTUALLY FEELING VERY

EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THE DEAL IS I HAVE TO STAY

50 FEET AWAY FROM THEIR OFFICES

AT ALL TIMES.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GOOD NIGHT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)