Ty Barnett - Beauty Tricks

  • Season 10, Ep 2
  • 02/16/2006
  • Views: 5,537

Women who wear girdles are deceptive. (2:37)

AND THEY AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMEDTHAT I WAS RICH.

I DON'T KNOW WHY 'CAUSE I'M NOT RICH.

BUT LIKE I AM STARTING TO GET MAD AT FRIENDS OF MINE

THAT DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO DO BASIC [BLEEP]

LIKE KEEP THEIR CELL PHONES CONNECTED.

[LAUGHTER]

I KNOW Y'ALL KNOW PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

AND I BLAMETHE PHONE COMPANY, TOO.'CAUSE BACK IN THE DAY

IF YOU GOTYOUR PHONE DISCONNECTEDIT WAS JUST OFF.

NOW THEY'RE REALLY NICE.IT'S LIKE, [DOO-DOO-DOO]

"AT THE SUBSCRIBER'S REQUEST,

INCOMING CALLS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED."

[LAUGHTER]

THEY SAY THAT LIKE YOU WORKED THAT [BLEEP] OUT WITH THE PHONE COMPANY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEN THEY GIVE YOU A FEW MORE BEFORE THEY FINALLY CUT IT OFF.

THAT LAST MESSAGE SHOULD TELL THE TRUTH, LIKE, [DOO-DOO-DOO]

"APPARENTLY THE PERSON THAT YOU TRIED TO CONTACT

"CANNOT HANDLE RESPONSIBILITY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

PLEASE, HANG UP AND FIND SOME BETTER FRIENDS."

BUT LIKE NOW TO ME IT'S LIKE JUST A BUNCH OF BS.

LIKE I'M SEEING A LOT MORE STUFF LIKE THAT NOW.

LIKE I WATCH A LOT OF TV. I WATCH A LOT OF COMMERCIALS.

AND THE COMMERCIALSARE THE THINGS THAT AREKIND OF GETTING TO ME.

LIKE I SAW A COMMERCIAL THE OTHER DAY FOR A GIRDLE.

A GIRDLE. DID I SAY THAT RIGHT, LADIES, GIRDLE?

- GIR-TLE? - [LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT?

THAT'S DECEPTION...

LADIES.

THESE THE SAME WOMEN THAT GET MAD WHEN GUYS LIE TO THEM?

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE SINGLE." "I THOUGHT YOU WERE SLIM."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG THOUGH, EVERYBODY, MEN AND WOMEN

HAVE TRICKS THAT WE DO TO LOOK A CERTAIN WAY.

LIKE THEY SAY WEARING BLACK MAKES YOU LOOK THIN.

THAT'S TRUE,IF YOU'RE THIN.

[LAUGHTER]

OTHERWISE IT JUSTLOOK LIKE YOU'RE TRYING.

BUT WITH THAT BEING SAID, LADIES, MY WHOLE POINT IS

DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU'VE GOT TO DO THESE TRICKS FOR US, DON'T,

'CAUSE THE AVERAGE GUY DOES NOT CARE.

DO WE? NO, WE DON'T...

AS LONG AS THE WHOLE IS SAFE AND CLEAN, SERIOUSLY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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