Kevin Meaney - Thanksgiving

  • Season 2 , Ep 7
  • 07/02/1999
  • Views: 10,080

Thanksgiving was a big day when Kevin Meaney was a kid. (2:38)

WE WERE NEVER ALLOWED INTHE HOUSE IN THE SUMMERTIME

WHEN I WAS A KID.

I'D COME HOME,I'D GET OFF MY BIKE

"MOM! MOM! I'M HOME!"

"GET OUT. GET OUTOF THE ( bleep ) HOUSE.

"WALKING AROUND THE HOUSE,MARKING UP THE WOODWORK...

"GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING!

"WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT INTHE BACKYARD AND DIG A HOLE?

WHY DON'T YOU DIG TO CHINA?"

DID YOU EVER DO THAT WHEN YOUWERE A KID-- DIG TO CHINA?

I USED TO WONDER IF KIDS INCHINA WERE DIGGING TO AMERICA!

( Chinese accent ):"AH, YAH, LET'S DIG TO AMERICA."

I'M SIX YEARS OLD, OUT INTHE BACKYARD, DIGGING AWAY--

MY DAD WOULD COME OUT

"WHAT ARE YOU DOINGDOWN THERE, KEVIN?"

"I'M DIGGING TO CHINA."

"ALL RIGHT.GET HOME FOR SUPPER."

NEVER TOLD ME IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.

NEVER LEARNED WHYUNTIL I WAS ABOUT 12

WHEN I BURNED MY HANDSON THE CORE OF THE EARTH.

"AAH!"

CHINESE KIDS, "AAH!"

THEY WERE ALWAYS HAVINGCOMPANY COMING OVER.

YOU KNOW, THAT WASTHE BIG THING.

"WE'RE HAVING COMPANY TONIGHT,SO STAY OUT OF THE BATHROOM.

"STAY OUT OF THAT BATHROOM.

WE'VE GOT COMPANY COMING OVER!"

"WELL, WHERE ARE WESUPPOSED TO GO?"

"I DON'T CARE.

"JUST REGULATE YOURSELF.

WAIT TILL THEY LEAVE."

COULDN'T USE THE BATHROOM.

WE COULD NEVER USE THE BATHROOMAT OUR HOUSE, YOU KNOW?

COMPANY'S ALWAYS COMING OVER--MR. WICKTER'S COMING OVER.

HE JUST GOT BACK FROM SWEDEN

WHERE HE HAD A SEX-CHANGEOPERATION.

"I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOU KIDSTO SAY ANYTHING

"ABOUT HIM BEING A WOMAN.

"YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY

YOU JUST TELL HIMHOW PRETTY HE LOOKS."

"WELL, WHAT ARE WESUPPOSED TO CALL HIM?"

THANKSGIVING WAS ANOTHER BIG DAYWHEN WE WERE KIDS, YOU KNOW?

WE'D HAVE THE BIG TURKEYEVERY YEAR.

UH, LAST YEAR,THE TURKEY WEIGHED 185 POUNDS.

IT HAD A TATTOO.

WAS RIDING AROUND THE FRONT LAWNON A HARLEY!

TOOK MY SISTER HOSTAGE FOR...24 HOURS.

MY UNCLE ZEKEACTUALLY HAD TO PUT ON

HIS FLAME-RETARDANTPILGRIM SUIT

AND SUBDUE HIMWITH A FLAME-THROWER.

HE WAS ALWAYS DRESSING UPFOR THANKSGIVING.

ONE YEAR, HE DRESSED UPAS A BUTTERBALL TURKEY

AND MY AUNT ROSE COULDN'TSTOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

"OH, MY GOD.

"LOOK AT ZEKE, DRESSING UPLIKE A BUTTERBALL TURKEY.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

"LOOK AT HIM, SITTING INTHAT ROASTING PAN

"WEARING GO-GO BOOTS

"POURING GRAVY ON HIS TORSOWITH A BIG, OLD LADLE.

"HE'S GOING TO GET ARRESTEDFOR PUBLIC SELF-BASTING

"JUST LIKE HE DID LAST YEAR.

LOOK WHERE HE'S GOTTHE THERMOMETER!"

Loading...