Extended - New Year, New Impossible Resolutions - Uncensored

Extended - Thursday, January 5, 2017 - Uncensored 01/05/2017 Views: 225

Affion Crockett, Amanda Seales and Marcella Arguello kick off the New Year by setting goals they'll never accomplish. (1:54)

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WELL, IT'S 2017-- GODDAMN IT!--WHICH, ON THE CHINESE ZODIAC, IS

THE YEAR OF THE DISAPPOINTEDLIBERAL.

UH... (MUMBLING)(LAUGHTER)

AND WITH THE NEW YEAR COMES THEOPPORTUNITY FOR A NEW YOU-- A

COOLER, BETTER YOU WITH THE SAMEGREAT TASTE AS THE ORIGINAL, BUT

HALF THE CALORIES.

(LAUGHTER)JANUARY IS THE TIME FOR SETTING

GOALS YOU KNOW YOU'LL NEVERACCOMPLISH-- WRITE THAT NOVEL,

GET TALLER, ACTUALLY WIN ANARGUMENT ON FACEBOOK, ALL THE

THINGS THAT EVERY YEAR WE HOPEWILL IMPROVE.

SO IN HONOR OF OUR IRRATIONALHOPE FOR A BETTER FUTURE IN

2017, THIS ENTIRE EPISODE ISDEDICATED TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT.

MAKE A BETTER YOU.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)LET'S BE A BETTER US.

TO KICK THINGS OFF, WHAT IS YOURRESOLUTION FOR THIS YEAR?

AFFION.

>> CHRIS, I'M GONNA FINALLY STOPDATING YOUR MOTHER SO I CAN

FINALLY WIN ONE OF THESE SHOWS!.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, IAPPRECIATE THAT.

I APPRECIATE THAT.

>> IT'S A CONSPIRACY.

>> HARDWICK: WELL... I DIDN'TKNOW... YOU...

>> I ALWAYS LOSE ON THIS GODDAMNSHOW...

>> HARDWICK: FINE. I KNOW.

>> ...'CAUSE I'M BANGING HISMOTHER.

>> HARDWICK: I KNOW. WELL...

I'M SORRY...

>> DO YOU WANT A BLACK STEPDAD?

IS THAT WHAT IT IS?

>> HARDWICK: I DO WANT A...

I DO WANT A BLACK STEPDAD.

>> YEAH, I DO.

>> HARDWICK: I DO WANT A BLACKSTEPDAD. I JUST...

(LAUGHTER)YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD, AFFION.

(LAUGHTER)I WILL SAY, YOU SAY "DATING."

MY MOM JUST SAYS IT'S FUCKING.

SO I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, IT'S WHATEVER...

WHATEVER YOU...

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

>> RIGHT HERE IN YOUR NECK.

>> HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE.

>> HARDWICK: AMANDA.

>> MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION ISTO, UH... TO STOP DATING MEN WHO

HOLD THEIR GUN SIDEWAYS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS.

POINTS.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

>> HARDWICK: NO.

>> IT DOESN'T... IT DOESN'T WORKTHAT WAY.

>> HARDWICK: MARCELLA.

>> UM, MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONIS TO NEVER BECOME SUCH A LOSER

THAT I NEED A NEW YEAR'SRESOLUTION.

>> OOH.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, POINTS. VERY GOOD.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE & CHEERING)VERY GOOD.

>> RIGHT.

>> HARDWICK: LITTLE CLOSE TOHOME TO A COUPLE PEOPLE.