Demetri Martin - Silent Letters

Demetri Martin: Standup Comedian 09/29/2012 Views: 14,587

Demetri Martin is sure that silent letters like to mess with foreigners. (2:20)

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- I saw a dogwearing a sweater,

and I thoughtthat looked ridiculous

'cause dogsdon't have arms.

If you're gonnaput clothes on a dog,

you should puttwo pairs of pants on it.

See a dog with two pairsof skinny jeans.

That Rottweilerplays bass.

I've never seen bat [bleep],

but if I did, I'd be like,"That's crazy.

"That's some crazy excrementright there.

"That looks like myex-girlfriend's personality.

That's crazy."

Hugsare such a nice thing.

As human beings,we get to hug each other.

That's sucha nice experience.

But it's so easyto make it go wrong.

If you're hugging somebodyand you go,

"Mmm."

Or you could be hugging 'emand just go--

That hug is over.

If I want to get out of a hug,I don't do the pat,

I just go, "beep." They're like,"Okay, I'll see you, uh...

Never. All right,I'll see you never."

That's--That's no good.

I think a tree houseis really insensitive.

That's likekilling something

and then makingone of its friends hold it.

I like silent letters.

When I see a silent letterin a word,

I try to picturewhat happened.

Just a bunch of lettershanging out, and they're like,

"Oh, we gotta gospell this word."

and there's one letter therethat's like,

"Psst. Hey.

I'm gonna comewith you guys."

"What?

That's ridiculous.You're a 'G.'"

"I won't say anything."

"I don't know,what do you guys think?"

"Come on,we'll mess with foreigners.

Like the word, 'foreigners,'that's me in the middle."