Brian Regan - A Level of Self-Consciousness

  • Season 3, Ep 14
  • 09/07/2000
  • Views: 21,670

Eye doctors can make you feel self-conscious. (2:00)

IT'S JUST HIM AND ME.IT'S DARK IN THERE.

THE DOOR'S CLOSED.

I FEEL WEIRD WHEN HE SLIDESHIS CHAIR UP

UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE THERE.

[making squeaking sounds]

HE'S LIKE THIS FARFROM MY FACE,

AND HE SHINES, LIKE,THIS GOOFY LIGHT INTO MY EYES

FOR ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.

[laughter]

[breathing heavily]

"HOW YOU DOING THERE?"

"I'M A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.CAN YOU BACK UP A TAD?

YOU WANT A PIECE OF GUM?"

HE ASKEDIF I WANTED TRIFOCALS.

I'VE BEEN AWAYFROM THE EYE DOCTOR TOO LONG.

I DIDN'T KNOWWHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

TRIFOCALS?

HE GOES, "YEAH, YOU CAN SEETHREE DIFFERENT DISTANCES

"DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU LOOKTHROUGH THE LENS.

YOU CAN SEE CLOSE, MEDIUM,OR FAR AWAY."

AND I WAS LIKE,

"I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINEGETTING USED TO THAT, ALL RIGHT?

"THERE'S A BOOK!THERE'S A PLANE!

THERE'S ALPHA CENTAURI!"

[laughter]

ANYBODY HAVE A NEED FOR THAT,YOU KNOW?

"IS THAT A FLY ON MY NOSE?

IS THAT A COMET?"

[laughter]

SO MY EYE DOCTOR TOLD ME THIS.I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.

HE GOES, "YOU KNOWYOU HAVE ONE EYE

SET A LITTLE BIT HIGHERTHAN YOUR OTHER EYE?"

"NO, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT."

HE GOES,"IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

"IT DOESN'T AFFECT YOUR VISIONOR ANYTHING.

"I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHTWANT TO BE SELF-CONSCIOUS

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."

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