Exclusive - Pete Holmes - Don't Worry, I Have an IUD

  • Season 4 , Ep 3
  • 08/09/2013
  • Views: 7,771

Pete Holmes realizes how little information he needs to take off a condom. (1:31)

I'm very close to takingoff a condom with

a girlfriend, and I'm--I didn't know how close.

I was seeing this girl, andwe were about to have sex.

And I was alreadywearing the condom.

And she goes, "Pete, you know,you don't have to-- You don't

have to wear a condom,because I have an IUD."

And I said, "Oh, great."

So I took it off, we startedhaving sex without one.

And then my first thought-- Myfirst thought upon

having sex with her was:

What is an IUD?

I know that sounds like phonybaloney comedy time.

This is a true story.

She goes, "Don'tworry, I have an IUD."

Great, In!

I'm looking for apatch or an ointment.

Is there a tattoo?

What-- What areyou talking about?

That is how close I am toremoving a condom, apparently.

The girl just has to say,"It's okay,"

and then any acronym.

She says to me, like, "Pete,don't worry about it.

I got Triple-A."

All right.

This bitch hasroadside assistance.

That is hot.

I like that.

"Don't worry,Pete, I have HIV."

Okay.

You know, I can tell. There's aspice to it.

Okay.

It's the only jokeyou'll remember.

You can groan, but that's theone that's going

to stick with you.

There's a spice to it.

Don't you [BLEEP]back away from me.

I'll burn this place down.

You guys took me seriously.

You're like, "Youmade Dad angry!"

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