Jeremy Hotz - It's in the Mail

  • Season 3 , Ep 3
  • 06/20/2000
  • Views: 5,771

Jeremy Hotz likes free stuff because he's cheap. (1:56)

MY MAILBOX EITHER.

I KEEP GETTING STUFFIN THE MAIL,

STUFF I DIDN'T SEND AWAY FOR:FREE SAMPLES,

COOKIES ALL CRUMPLEDDOWN AT THE BOTTOM.

KEEBLER ELF--I'LL KILL HIM IF I SEE HIM.

HE LIVES NEXT DOOR.HE COULD HAVE WALKED THEM OVER.

I GOT FREE SHAMPOO IN THE MAIL.

I GOT PRELL AND PERTIN THESE TINY LITTLE PACKAGES.

AND I'M CHEAP.I HAD SHAMPOO.

I USED IT ANYWAY.

I'M SO CHEAP,I USED HALF OF ONE.

THEN I LEANED IT UPAGAINST THE BATHTUB,

'CAUSE I FIGURED I COULD USETHE SECOND HALF

THE NEXT MORNING.

NO, IN THE NIGHTIT TIPPED OVER

AND DRIPPED GREEN CRAPDOWN THE SIDE OF MY TUB.

I CAN'T GET IT OFF.

IT STAINED IT.

THEY'RE GOING TO CHARGE MEWHEN I MOVE OUT.

I'M GOING TO HAVETO TAKE WITE-OUT

AND PUT IT OVER THE TOP.

I GOT A BOX OF TAMPONSIN THE MAIL ONCE TOO.

YEAH, IMAGINE MY SURPRISE.

THEY WEREN'T TAMPONS.

THEY WERE PADS,SOMETHING CALLED ALWAYS.

LIKE THEY'RE GOINGTO CALL THEM SOME OF THE TIME.

ALWAYS DRY WEAVE WITH WINGSAND OPTIONAL SUNROOF.

JESUS.

THEY'RE BIG PADS.HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?

THEY LOOK LIKE DR. SCHOLLS.

I'M USING 'EMFOR COFFEE FILTERS RIGHT NOW.

OH, YEAH, YOU'RE LAUGHING.

THE GARBAGEMAN MUST THINKI HAVE A TERRIBLE DISEASE.

IF YOU GOT THESE IN THE MAIL,LADIES, DON'T WEAR THEM.

I PUT ONE ON.I DIDN'T FEEL CONFIDENT.

I FELT PARANOID.

"UH-OH, I GOT ONE OF THESE ON.HOPE I DON'T FALL IN A PUDDLE."

[sucking noise]

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