Super Bowl Halftime

Season 6 , Ep 1 04/21/02 Views: 22,042

Halftime has gotten exponentially worse every year. (3:25)

THEN IT WAS HALFTIME.

AND HALFTIME AT THE SUPER BOWLIS THE BEST.

BECAUSE HALFTIME ATTHE SUPER BOWL HAS GOTTEN

EXPONENTIALLY WORSE EVERY YEAR.

I USE THE WORD EXPONENTIALLYBECAUSE I WAS TAUGHT IT

IN A MATH CLASS.

AND THAT'S THE FIRST SENTENCEI COULD USE IT IN.

EXPONENTIALLY WORSE MEANS:CRAPPIER AND CRAPPIER

AND CRAPPIER.

(LAUGHTER)LAST YEAR THE HALF-TIME SHOW

WAS PRESENTED BY MTV.

'CAUSE WHEN I THINK MUSIC,OH, YEAH, I THINK MTV.

THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONEEVERYTHING THEY COULD IN

MY LIFE TIME TO DESTROY MUSICAS I KNOW IT.

AND IN CASE YOU DON'T REALIZEIT, MTV IS TO MUSIC AS KFC

IS TO CHICKEN!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

SO WHO DOES MTV GET TO PLAY

AT HALFTIME?

THEY GET 'N SYNC.

SURE, BECAUSE WHEN I THINKFOOTBALL, I THINK 'N SYNC.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)AND IT WAS INTERESTING 'CAUSE

I HAD NEVER HEARD 'N SYNC PLAYBECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY

COME ON, I LIKE TO TAKE A PENCILAND SHOVE IT IN MY EAR.

AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGHFOR A HALF-TIME SHOW BUT, NO,

QUITE SHORTLY THEREAFTERTHEY'RE JOINED BY AEROSMITH.

I HAVE 'N SYNC AND AEROSMITH.

AND I AM CONFUSED.

(LAUGHTER)'N SYNC AND AEROSMITH

ARE TWO BANDS THAT SHOULDN'T BEIN THE SAME STATE AT THE SAME

TIME.

SO IN-SYNC AND AEROSMITH BEGANTO PLAY BUT WHAT THEY PLAYED

WAS NOT MUSIC.

WHAT YOU HEARD WAS THE SOUND OFCHAOS.

I KNOW THAT SOUNDS STRANGE,BUT IT'S TRUE.

BECAUSE I COULD HEAR THE SOUNDSOF PIGS BEING SLAUGHTERED.

AND WOMEN WERE WEEPING ANDMEN WERE GNASHING THEIR TEETH.

I HEARD SOUNDS THAT WERESO HORRIBLE, IF I WERE TO REPEAT

THEM TO YOU, YOU WOULD FLEEFROM THIS ROOM IN HORROR!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

WELL, I THOUGHT, THIS HAS GOT

TO BE OVER SOON.

I'VE BEEN WATCHINGTHIS HALF-TIME SHOW SINCE I WAS

ELEVEN YEARS OLD.

BUT, NO, THE BOYS ARE JOINED BYBRITNEY SPEARS.

I HAVE 'N SYNC AND AEROSMITHAND BRITNEY SPEARS.

I HAVE A TRIFECTA FROM HELL.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

BUT I WAS LUCKY BECAUSE I HAD

A SPOON IN MY HAND...

AND I SHOVED IT UP MY ASS.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHY?

TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROMTHE PAIN.

BECAUSE IF I'M GONNA HURT THATMUCH, I'M GONNA DO IT TO MYSELF.

(LAUGHTER)

OPRAH CALLS THAT EMPOWERMENT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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