Lewis Black - Super Bowl Halftime

  • Season 6, Ep 1
  • 04/21/2002
  • Views: 20,289

Halftime has gotten exponentially worse every year. (3:25)

AND HALFTIME AT THE SUPER BOWL

IS THE BEST.

BECAUSE HALFTIME AT

THE SUPER BOWL AS GOTTEN

EXPONENTIALLY WORSE EVERY YEAR.

I USE THE WORD EXPONENTIALLY

BECAUSE I WAS TAUGHT IT

IN A MATH CLASS.

AND THAT WAS THE FIRST SENTENCE

I COULD USE IT IN.

EXPONENTIALLY WORSE MEANS:

CRAPPIER AND CRAPPIER

AND CRAPPIER.

(LAUGHTER)

LAST YEAR THE HALF-TIME SHOW

WAS PRESENTED BY MTV.

'CAUSE WHEN I THINK MUSIC,

OH, YEAH, I THINK MTV.

THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE

EVERYTHING THEY COULD IN

MY LIFE TIME TO DESTROY MUSIC

AS I KNOW IT.

AND IN CASE YOU DON'T REALIZE

IT, MTV IS TO MUSIC AS KFC

IS TO CHICKEN!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

SO WHO DOES MTV GET TO PLAY

AT HALFTIME?

THEY GET 'N SYNC.

SURE, BECAUSE WHEN I THINK

FOOTBALL, I THINK 'N SYNC.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

AND IT WAS INTERESTING 'CAUSE

I HAD NEVER HEARD 'N SYNC PLAY

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY

COME ON, I LIKE TO TAKE A PENCIL

AND SHOVE IT IN MY EAR.

AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH

FOR A HALF-TIME SHOW BUT, NO,

QUITE SHORTLY THEREAFTER

THEY'RE JOINED BY AEROSMITH.

I HAVE 'N SYNC AND AEROSMITH.

AND I AM CONFUSED.

(LAUGHTER)

'N SYNC AND AEROSMITH

ARE TWO BANDS THAT SHOULDN'T BE

IN THE SAME STATE AT THE SAME

TIME.

SO IN-SYNC AND AEROSMITH BEGAN

TO PLAY BUT WHAT THEY PLAYED

WAS NOT MUSIC.

WHAT YOU HEARD WAS THE SOUND OF

CHAOS.

I KNOW THAT SOUNDS STRANGE,

BUT IT'S TRUE.

BECAUSE I COULD HEAR THE SOUNDS

OF PIGS BEING SLAUGHTERED.

AND WOMEN WERE WEEPING AND

MEN WERE GNASHING THEIR TEETH.

I HEARD SOUNDS THAT WERE

SO HORRIBLE, IF I WERE TO REPEAT

THEM TO YOU, YOU WOULD FLEE

FROM THIS ROOM IN HORROR!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

WELL, I THOUGHT, THIS HAS GOT

TO BE OVER SOON.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING

THIS HALF-TIME SHOW SINCE I WAS

ELEVEN YEARS OLD.

BUT, NO, THE BOYS ARE JOINED BY

BRITENY SPEARS.

I HAVE 'N SYNC AND AEROSMITH

AND BRITENY SPEARS.

I HAVE A TRIFECTA FROM HELL.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

BUT I WAS LUCKY BECAUSE I HAD

A SPOON IN MY HAND...

AND I SHOVED IT UP MY ASS.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHY?

TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM

THE PAIN.

BECAUSE IF I'M GONNA HURT THAT

MUCH, I'M GONNA DO IT TO MYSELF.

(LAUGHTER)

OPRAH CALLS THAT EMPOWERMENT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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