Wil Sylvince - First Class

  • Season 4, Ep 0405
  • 11/13/2009
  • Views: 3,227

If you ever get a chance to fly first class, it'll make you realize that flying in coach is like being in a third world country. (3:54)

On the way back,

the pilot had us delayedfor two yours.

He said we couldn't take off,

'cause there wastoo many planes in the sky.

Are you serious?It's a big-ass sky.

(laughter)

Couldn't the planes flyhigher or to the left?

He just straight lied to...

Have you ever looked at the sky,

like, "Man,look at all these planes."

(laughter)

Airports suck ass now,don't they?

They make you take offall your clothes.

We got to be buck naked,holding our balls,

then go to the gate, like,"What the hell's going on here?

I'm just tryingto get back to Brooklyn."

I don't even wear boots anymore.

It's a hassle.

I wear see-throughflip-flop jellies.

(laughter)

And the TSA guysstill make me take 'em off.

"You got to take 'em off."

"Take 'em off?You could see...

They're see-through;you just got to look."

"You needto take 'em off anyway!"

He made me take off my jellies.

(laughter)

One of them got jammedin the machine.

They had to shut it downto get my jellies out.

I looked like a thugwaiting for jellies.

(tough voice):"Yeah, the see-through oneswith the tassels, yo."

(laughter, applause)

Any... anybody everflown first class?

Anybody ever flown?

It's beautiful, ain't it?

The... the chairis like a couch.

I'm, like,"All this space for me?"

You could even sit sideways.

"This is nice."

And they keep feeding youand feeding you,

and after a while, I'm, like,"Bitch, I can't eat no more."

"Give it to some peoplein coach-- they hungry, too.

"It's like a third-world countryin there; help them out.

"Can I sponsor 27-F, please?

(laughter, applause)

"Give all my meals to 27-F.

I want to give back somehow."

And then they havethat little curtain,

they close it from coach.

You know, it's the little"The hell with you" curtain.

You know,the hell with you! Phfft!

See, black people,when we buy things,

we want other people to see it.

So I opened the curtainso people could see me.

The hell with that. Phfft!

(laughter)

(applause)

The hell with coach.

The worst seat in coachis that middle seat, isn't it?

So you got to sitbetween two people

you don't even know, right?

You ever go with themyakkety-yak passengers

who want to talk, talk, talk?

They ain't saying nothing,you know?

"So, where you going?"

"Stupid, the same placeyou're going.

"You think the planegonna split apart,

I'm gonna go this way,you're gonna go that way?"

"Wherever the pilot goes,that's where we're all going!

Thanks forthose stupid questions."

(laughter)

(laughter, applause)

And-and you ever had to waitfor the stewardess to come?

"Sir, you got to put the chairup or we can't take off."

What the hell is this,this right here, this...?

"Sir, put the chair up, please."

"Oh, my bad, I didn't knowI was holding everybody up.

That's my fault."

(laughter)

"Thank you very much.We can take off now."

You could be knocked out,

you could be dead asleep--they'll wake you up, won't they?

(snores)"Sir?"

"We crashing?"

"No. Put that chair up."

"Oh."

(laughter)

That's it?You-you woke me up for this?

What's this, the brakes?

The landing gear?What is this doing?

But they won't wake you up whenthe food is coming, will they?

They'll sneak past my asswhen the food is coming.

(laughter)

(applause)

"He woke up."

I got to getmy bag of peanuts now.

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