D.C. Benny - Having a Gay Brother

Benny, Ifft, Lukas Season 4, Ep 0402 01/15/2001 Views: 5,542

It could be worse -- he could be in a gang. (1:55)

HE CALLS ME UP.

HE'S LIKE, "I'M GAY."

I WAS LIKE "WHAT?"

I HAD THE THESAURUS OUT.

I'M LIKE, "YOU MEAN FESTIVE;

RIGHT?

GREGARIOUS.

ONE WHO IS PREDISPOSED TO FITS

OF FROLICKING."

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

AND MY DAD WASN'T TAKING IT

WELL.

YOU KNOW, HE'S WALKING AROUND

THE HOUSE LIKE, "OH, JESUS.

OH, JESUS."

AND HE'S JEWISH.

SO HE'S REACHING FOR ANY HELP

HE CAN GET.

YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER)

I TOLD HIM, I WAS LIKE,

"POP, IT COULD BE WORSE.

A LOT OF 17-YEAR-OLDS JOIN

GANGS."

YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT

ANY GAY GANGS.

"LOS HOMOS LOCOS."

DO, LIKE, DRIVE-BY

REDECORATIONS.

YES.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

MY MOST RECENT TRIP WAS TO

JAMAICA.

THAT WAS COOL.

I HAD A GOOD TIME.

I GOT STOPPED AT CUSTOMS,

THOUGH.

THE LADY WAS LIKE,

"ARE YOU BRINGING ANY DRUGS INTO

JAMAICA?"

I WAS LIKE, "DRUGS INTO JAMAICA?

THAT'S LIKE BRINGING SLIMFAST

TO ETHIOPIA."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

SO I'M MARRIED.

I LIVE IN BROOKLYN WITH MY WIFE.

SHE'S BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT OUR

SEX LIFE LATELY.

SHE'S LIKE, "WE NEED TO DO

SOMETHING NEW," YOU KNOW.

SO THE OTHER NIGHT, SHE COMES

HOME.

SHE'S LIKE, "WE'RE GONNA DO

FANTASIES.

FIRST WE'LL DO MY FANTASY.

THEN WE'LL DO YOUR FANTASY."

I'M LIKE, "OKAY."

SO WE'RE DOING HER FANTASY.

I'M SCATTERING ROSE PETALS

ON THE BED.

BARRY WHITE'S PLAYING.

I'M LIGHTING CANDLES.

I'M LIKE, "THIS FANTASY SUCKS.

LET'S DO MY FANTASY."

SHE'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT."

I'M LIKE, "ALL RIGHT."

UH, I'M A COLOMBIAN CUSTOMS

OFFICIAL.

AND YOU'RE A DRUG MULE SMUGGLING

STUFF IN EVERY ORIFICE OF YOUR

BODY.

AND I'M GONNA DO A FULL BODY

CAVITY SEARCH."

SHE'S LIKE "UGH.

I DON'T LIKE THAT FANTASY."

"QUIET! DON'T TALK BACK

TO THE JEFE.

I KNOW THERE'S A KILO

IN THE CHO-CHA."