Twayne's Colon Control

  • Season 2 , Ep 201
  • 07/21/2011
  • Views: 19,616

Mark and Twayne dive into the real reason Twayne is nervous about joining Satan's Dark Army. (1:24)

WHAT'S GOING ON?>> TWAYNE'S HAVING A MELTDOWN.

- "TWAYNE BONERAPER,YOU HAVE BEEN DRAFTED

"INTO SATAN'S DARK ARMY

TO SERVE AS A PRE-ENACTMENTFOOT SOLDIER."

OY.

- HIS MOTHER'S BEEN GETTING HIMOUT OF SERVICE

FOR THE LAST 50 YEARS.

- I HAD NO IDEA TWAYNEWAS 70 YEARS OLD.

VERY SMOOTH SKINFOR A DEMON HIS AGE.

- YOU CAN SEE IT IN THE EYES.

- [sobbing]

- WHAT'S GOING ON, BUDDY?

- OH, NOTHING.NOTHING AT ALL.

JUST SPINNING SOME WAX.

- I HEAD ABOUTYOUR DRAFT LETTER.

ARE YOU OKAY?

- OH, YEAH, TOTALLY COOL.

I'M JUST GONNA PAY THE FINE.

- LOOK I'M NOT SURETHIS IS MY BUSINESS,

BUT THERE MUST BE A ROOT CAUSE

FOR YOU NOT WANTINGTO GO DOWN THERE.

- I CAN'T POOP AWAY FROM HOME.

- OH, VERY CLOSE TO THE SURFACE.

- AM I NORMAL?

- FECAL WITHHOLDING,

GENERALLY NOT COMMONAMONG THE SENIOR SET.

- OH, GOD.

I HATE BEING A GROWN-UP.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

THE REAL CONSTIPATIONISN'T DOWN THERE.

IT'S UP HERE.

- YOU MEAN I HAVE POOPIN MY HEART?

- SOMETHING IMPORTANT FEELSOUT OF CONTROL.

SO YOU ARE CONTROLLINGYOUR POOP INSTEAD.

- HEAR THAT?I'M CONTROLLING YOU.

- TWAYNE, IF YOU DON'T CONFRONTYOUR FEARS NOW,

YOU MAY NEVER HAVEFULL FECAL FREEDOM.

IS THAT A THING?

- THE THREE "F"s.

LOOK IT UP.

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