the Twilight series.She loves it.
Vampire-romance novels,if you don't know what it is.
I didn't get it at first,
so I asked her whyshe liked it so much.
And she goes, "What I like is
"that the main vampirecan read minds,
"but he can't read the mindof the girl
"that he falls in love with,
"which makes herseem so complicated.
"And, like, she's the only womanin the world
"that's right for him,
"and that is romanceat its finest.
And I love it for that.Ah! I love it!"
And I totally get it.It's romantic, right?
But I also get why the vampirewants to date the girl
whose mind he cannot read,you know?
'Cause I can barely standto listen to everything
she decidesto say out loud, man.
I shudder to imaginewhat it would be like
if I also had to hear everythingthat got caught in that filter
before it fell outof her pie hole.
Can you even imaginewhat that would be like?
Like, you're out to dinnerone night,
and she's, like, "Oh, my God,I'm gonna get manicotti.
"What are you gonna get?Why won't he write me letters?
I bought him stationery.Blah-blah-blah-blah."
Just a never-ending streamof crap falling out of her face
whether her mouth is openor closed.
And then on top of everything,on top of everything,
you're a vampire,so you can't even kill yourself.
You can't even kill yourself.
You just got to be, like,
"Waiter, can we get some moregarlic bread over here?