- So we are here at the red carpet
for the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe.
As you can see, the carpet isn't actually red,
and Rob isn't really much of a celebrity.
So this right here is gonna be the interview section
where lots of reporters will be interviewing Jewel
and trying not to look at her tits and teeth the whole time.
It's fun, 'cause you can take turns,
T and T, T and T.
Once again, carpet not red.
The simplest part of the red carpet
is making sure that the carpet is red.
Unless, I'm guessing that this is a prepubescent carpet,
and after Rob has sex with it,
it'll have its firstperiod and then be red.
You get that feeling right now, that hate is in the air,
hate is slowly buildingup in all of us.
It's not fully there yet.
You could even hear the sirens of someone just dying,
because that's how much hate there is
in the atmosphere before this Roast.
And I just realized, I am writing for it,
I have so much work to do tonight.
I've gotta actuallygive Jeff Ross more fish
out of the bucket that he eats them from,
I've gotta polish Ann Coulter's horns,
and I gotta tell Ralph Macchio he's still alive.
So I'll see you guys later, thanks.