Behind the Scenes - On the Not-Red Carpet

09/02/2016 Views: 4,871

Reporting from the "red" carpet, Mike Lawrence anticipates Jewel's arrival and soaks in the spirit of hate. (1:15)

(percussive music)

- So we are here at the red carpet

for the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe.

As you can see, the carpet isn't actually red,

and Rob isn't really much of a celebrity.

So this right here is gonna be the interview section

where lots of reporters will be interviewing Jewel

and trying not to look at her tits and teeth the whole time.

It's fun, 'cause you can take turns,

T and T, T and T.

Once again, carpet not red.

The simplest part of the red carpet

is making sure that the carpet is red.

Unless, I'm guessing that this is a prepubescent carpet,

and after Rob has sex with it,

it'll have its firstperiod and then be red.

You get that feeling right now, that hate is in the air,

hate is slowly buildingup in all of us.

It's not fully there yet.

You could even hear the sirens of someone just dying,

because that's how much hate there is

in the atmosphere before this Roast.

And I just realized, I am writing for it,

I have so much work to do tonight.

I've gotta actuallygive Jeff Ross more fish

out of the bucket that he eats them from,

I've gotta polish Ann Coulter's horns,

and I gotta tell Ralph Macchio he's still alive.

So I'll see you guys later, thanks.

(upbeat music)

ALL VIDEOS
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  • Season 1

The Deep Cuts and Harshest Burns

0:43

Roast Master David Spade, Pete Davidson, Jewel, Ralph Macchio and Rob Lowe himself all got their chance for some cringe-worthy burns.

Peyton Manning - A History of Cancellation

0:30

Peyton Manning points out just how magnanimous he's been to Rob Lowe throughout his career.

Ann Coulter - A Big Fan

0:19

Conservative commentator Ann Coulter reveals what she finds interesting about Rob Lowe's performance in his sex tape.

Exclusive - On the Red Carpet - The Man of the Hour

1:26

Brian Moses asks Rob Lowe why he would subject himself to this kind of treatment and finds out which roaster he's most worried about.

Exclusive - On the Red Carpet - Who's Gonna Kill?

1:06

Brian Moses polls the red carpet to see who has the most anticipated burns of the night.

Exclusive - On the Red Carpet - The Perfect Roast Joke

1:02

Guests and dais members tell Brian Moses what they want out of a Roast joke.

Rob Lowe - Why Is Ann Coulter Here?

0:37

During Rob Lowe's rebuttal, he gives a graphic explanation for Ann Coulter's presence on the dais.

Jewel - Acoustic Roasting

1:48

Accompanied by her guitar, Jewel performs a song that reveals the real reason she refused to kiss Rob Lowe on screen.

Nikki Glaser - Jeff Ross's Royal Heritage

0:23

Nikki Glaser has noticed that there are a few problems with Jeff Ross dressing up as Prince.

Amy Poehler - Rob Lowe's Soul

2:01

As Rob Lowe prepares for his Roast, he gets a surprise visit from the devil (A.K.A., his former costar Amy Poehler).

Exclusive - On the Red Carpet - The Roastmaster General Arrives

0:59

Brian Moses appraises Jeff Ross's look for the Roast and learns his secret to writing a great burn.