Man, I ran into this girllast week from high school

that used to be in special ed.

She had her 11 year-old sonwith her. She said,

"Yeah, this ismy son right here."

"I homeschool him."

I said, "What's up, little man?"

He licked the back of my hand.

"Oh, yeah, you'rejust like your mother."

Another reason I don't havekids, people, is because

I'm not married yet.

I'm trying to do it thequote, unquote, right way.

Yeah, yeah, you don't haveto clap because

I don't thinkit's going to happen.

I don't thinkit's going to happen, see?

See, women would be ready to getmarried when they're like 25.

Men, we're ready to get marriedwhen we lose a leg or something.

Like, "Damn, look at thisright here. (groans)"

"Who going to want melike this, man?!"

"I guess I'm stuckwith your ass."

"Let me get down onthis one knee I got left."

Fellas, learn tocompliment your women.

Tell her nice thingseven if you don't mean it.

Tell her nice stuff. "Look atyou babe, look at you."

"Look at your ass,it's getting big. I like that."

Now, when you complimenta women, they can't

just accept the compliment.They gotta make

the compliment make sense."You know what,

the elevator was out of worktoday and I took the stairs."

"So, that's probably why my assis looking like this right now."

But I hate whenwomen get mad at guys

for not keepingthe relationship spicy.

Ya'll can do stuff too, man. Itdon't gotta be us all the time.

I had this one girl,she was on point with that.

She used to call me at work,talkin' dirty to me.

She called me one day,she said, uh,

"What time ya'll comin' home?"

I said, "Ya'll"?

She said,"Yeah, you and that dick."

I was like, Goddamn...

I said, "We on our way."

I got to the door, she had twooven mitts on. She was like,

"Mmm... give methat hot sausage."

"Mm... you wantthe hot sausage?"