Louis Katz - D.A.R.E.

Gould, Evans, Brillon, Katz, Varghese, Malik S., Kaler Season 2, Ep 2 07/12/2007 Views: 8,803

What are we teaching our children? (2:29)

we had this thing

called the DARE program,where police officers would come

to the schoolto teach you about drugs.

Very scary wayto learn about it.

Whenever they'd tryand teach you

about anything risqué--sex or drugs, stuff like that--

they don't really teach youabout them

as much as they just tryand scare you

into never tryingeither of them ever.

The way it would work is,

cop would cometo the front of the class.

And he'd have a mustache, right,'cause that's how they roll.


I can't explain it.That's just their style.

(Southern accent):"Some people will tell you

"that marijuana,also known in the streets

"as pot, weed, herb,

"Buddha, ganja, chronic, Sensei,millet, the sticky-icky-icky,

"trees, loud, Maryjane, SweetLucy, dinky dell, bombaletcha,

"and, in the browner partsof town,

"la planta verde del diablo...

(laughterand scattered applause)

"...is not dangerous.

"Well, I'm here to tell you,if you ever come into contact

"with even secondhandmarijuana smoke,

"you're going to starthallucinating

"and think you can fly.

"You're goingto jump out a window.

"And if you smoked it outside,why, you're just going

"to run inside, find a window,and then jump out of it.

"Then you're goingto be in all this pain.

"How are you goingto deal with the pain?

"You'll haveto start smoking crack,

"and how you going to affordto buy all this crack?

"I'm going to tell you how.

"You have to start sticking(bleep) in your mouth

"in exchange for money.

"So in conclusion,don't do drugs,

"or there will be (bleep)in your mouth.

Now go to recess."



Thank you.

Sex ed, you know, basicallythe same thing.


Health teacher comesto the front of the class.

She's got a mustache, all right?


"Some people will tell youthat vaginas...


"...also known in the streetsas bearded clam,

"panty hamster, rooster jaws,ninja boot, crotch waffle,

"wizard sleeveand the notorious V-A-G...


"...is not dangerous.

"Well, I'm here to tell you,

"if you ever come into contactwith even secondhand

"(bleep), you're goingto impregnate every woman

"in a five-mile radiuswith quintuplet crack babies.


"And how do you planon supporting

"all these teenylittle crack babies?

"I'm going to tell you how.

"You're going to stick a (bleep)in and around your mouth

"in exchange for money.

"So in conclusion,don't have sex,

"or they'll be (bleep)in your mouth.

Let's go to the cafeteriaand eat some chalupas."