Kyle Kinane - Dumb Conspiracy Theories

Kyle Kinane: Loose in Chicago Season 1, Ep 1 10/15/2016 Views: 5,762

As a natural skeptic, Kyle Kinane likes to invent conspiracy theories so pointless that no one would ever believe in them. (1:34)

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I'm a conspiracy theorist,

but all my conspiraciesare so low-rent,

nobody else wantsto entertain them with me.

Like, I'll try and talkwith other conspiracy theorists,

but I'm like theRudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

of conspiracy theorists,just trying to chime in.

"Obviously,the mafia killed JFK,

because it'd be advantageousfor them."

I'm like, "I think Trader Joe'sparking lots

"are made too small on purposejust to make them seem

like they're more popularthan they really are."

"That proves nothing.

"That's not--

"Why are you even here, man?

"Anyway, obviously,the moon landing was fake

"just so we could gainmore funding for NASA,

"'cause it's reallyjust a military complex

that we're putting into space."

"I think that--excuse me.

"I think that the FDA

"is just making upexpiration dates on food,

"because they'rein bed with Kraft,

"just trying to get youto buy condiments

"when you don't really have to,

"because mayonnaisedoesn't get old.

"It just becomes Miracle Whip.

That's the miracle."

You know what that little extratang that you taste in there is?

You know what that is?

Patience.