As you saw earlier,presidential candidate
and moldy chicken nuggetwith delusions of grandeur,
has paid to take over everyepisode of @midnight this...
Uh, you know, we moved to 11:30.
Everything got more expensive.It's not my call.
We don't knowwhen he's gonna show up,
so we'll just continuewith the show.
We'll make the best of it.
We'll pretend likeAmerica's not gonna turn
into (bleep) Fury Roadin a couple months,
and, uh, we'll just enjoythe moment as it happens.
So next up, let's check inwith Carson, Daily.
Sunday was the 65th birthdayof failed
presidential candidateBen Carson, the neurosurgeon
who successfully removedhis own brain
and replaced it withBuild-A-Bear stuffing.
-(laughter)-And to mark the occasion,
Dr. Snooze tweetedthis baffling meme.
"Keep calm. It's my birthday."
Okay. Mission accomplished.
This is.. this is bat (bleep)
on several levels, but, man,does he look great, huh?
He kind of looks like...he kind of looks like
if James Bond was black
and believed the pyramidswere used to store grain.
So, comedians,how did you celebrate
hibernating creationistBen Carson's birthday?
I celebrated his birthdayby taking
-a quick nap every few seconds.-HARDWICK: All right, perfect.
Doug, I... I'm just assumingthat's the marijuana. Uh...
-Oh, Chris, there you are.-Oh, Doug.
Um, well,for Ben Carson's birthday,
me and Jesus took himto Busch Gardens.
-(laughter) -Yes, perfect, yeah.Perfect. Points.
-Yes, Natasha.-Making sure
he doesn't see his own shadow,
or we'll have six more weeksof homophobia.