I don't know how my mom did it.
You know what I mean?My mom's amazing.
You know what I mean?She had two kids
that were living at homeat the time when she was,
you know, when shewas single, you know?
And she raisedboth of us, uh, really well.
She was amazing.
She became the motherand the father.
And the reason whyI tell you that is because
she reminded usevery fucking day.
There wasn't a day that my momdidn't tell us that.
Just me and my sisterjust playing in the room,
playing around,and then my mom would just
come into the room and go,"I just want you kids
"to know one thing.
"I'm the mother and the father."
"I bring home the bacon,
and I cookthat motherfucker too."
My mom was tough as shit.
I dare anybodyto fuck with my mom's kids.
Dare anybody.My mom was 4'10".
She'll fight anybody.She didn't give a shit.
That's how toughmy mom was.
I remember one timeI was at a shoe store,
and I was fucking upthe shoe wall.
You know, the shoe display wall?Fucking it up.
Just putting shoesall over the place, right?
And the salesman saw meand was like,
"Hey,get the fuck out of here!
Fucking up the shoe wall.Get the fuck out!"
He's cursing at me, right?
He didn't know my momwas in the back of the store.
He couldn't see her.
My mom popped around the corner,she was like, "Hey!
"Who are you talking to?
"You don't talkto my children like that!
"Who are you, huh?
I want to speakto the manager!"
And the guy startedmaking fun of my mom's accent.
[mocking Filipino]"Oh, you want to spek-spek
"to the manager?
Huh? You want to tok-tokto the man-a-ger?"
And my mom goes,"Oh, that's funny.
"You're making funof my accent?
"I live in your country,and I speak two languages--
"Tagalog and English.
"You live here.How many do you speak?
One? You're stupid."
So the guy started cursingat my mom, right?
He was like, "You know what?I don't need to hear this shit.
"Get the fuck outof my store!
Take your kid and getthe fuck out of my store!"
Right? So my momstarted cursing back, right?
And I've seenmy mom curse before,
but we'd never seen herget into a curse fight.
And when you curse,certain words go together,
but my mom takeswhatever curse words she knows
and throws 'em at you.
He's like,"Get the fuck out of my store!"
And my mom goes, "Oh, yeah?You son of a shit!
"Fuck your pussy has a dickwith shit in it and your pussy
"has a mother,mothershit, you!
Fuck your pussy, you!"
I looked at my sister, go,"Did Mom just say 'mothershit'?"
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