Gabriel Iglesias - Drunk Texting on the Road

Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy Season 1, Ep 101 04/07/2013 Views: 41,876

When Gabriel Iglesias gets drunk, he can't help but send text messages. (2:31)

>> HIS MOM ALLOWS ME TO BEA DAD, YOU KNOW?

AS A STEPPARENT, IT'S NOT EASY.

YOU CAN'T JUST COME INAND RUN THINGS.

IT TAKES TIME.

IF YOU COME INTO THAT HOUSEAND YOU START TRYING TO YELL

AT PEOPLE AND START TRYING TO--UH-UH, NO, THEY'LL JUMP

ALL OVER YOU.

"YOU CAN'T BE DOING THAT."

"HEY!

YOU TELL ME WHAT HE DID.

I'LL HANDLE IT.

YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING."

A FEW OF YOU ARE LIKE,"OH, I'VE BEEN THERE, BRAH."

YEAH, RIGHT?

NEXT THINK YOU KNOW,YOU'RE IN THE CORNER CRYING

WHEN THAT KID IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

IT'S A HAZING PROCESSIN THE BEGINNING.

IT'S--EVERYBODY'S PUSHINGEACH OTHER'S BUTTONS.

EVERYBODY'S TESTING EACH OTHER.

IS THIS GUY REALLY GONNASTICK AROUND?

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS,AND AFTER EIGHT YEARS,

HEY, MY CREDIT IS GOOD,SO MY GIRL BACKS ME UP

WHENEVER I MAKE A CALL.

SHE BACKS ME UP.

DON'T GET ME WRONG.

IF I MAKE A BAD CALL,SHE'S GONNA CALL ME ON IT, OKAY?

IF I MESS UP, SHE'S GONNAPOINT IT OUT.

SHE DOESN'T THINK THAT ALLMY IDEAS ARE GOOD ONES.

AND THERE'S BEEN A FEW TIMESWHEN I'VE MESSED UP AS A DAD.

LIKE ONE NIGHT...

[chuckles]I GOT REALLY, REALLY DRUNK

ON THE ROAD WITH MARTIN,AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

I STARTED DRUNK-TEXTING FRANKIE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT ISABOUT ME GETTING DRUNK.

FOR SOME REASON,THE PHONE JUST--

AH!

AND MY GIRL FOUND OUT ABOUT IT.

AND WHEN I GOT HOME,I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP

BECAUSE SHE CALLED MEBY MY FIRST NAME,

AND WE HAVEN'T USED FIRST NAMESIN YEARS.

YOU KNOW, SINCE THEN,IT'S ALWAYS BEEN PET NAMES.

YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES, YOU KNOW,HONEY, BABY, SWEETIE, SUCIA,

SOMETHING TO KIND OF JUST--SOME OF YOU GOT THAT--

GRACIAS.

ANYWAY...

I WALK IN THE DOOR,AND I HEAR, "GABRIEL."

AND I'M LIKE--"I'M IN COURT."

AND HERE SHE COMES,OUT OF THE BACK.

"I UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU'REOUT THERE, YOU'RE GONNA DO

WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO.

YOU WANT TO GET DRUNK?

FINE, GET DRUNK.

YOU WANT TO TEXT MEWHILE YOU'RE DRUNK?

FINE, TEXT ME WHILEYOU'RE DRUNK.

DO NOT EVER DRUNK TEXTMY SON AGAIN."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW I WAS DRUNK?""REALLY?

"FRANKIE, COME HERE.

BRING YOUR PHONE."

"LOOK AT THIS MESSAGE THAT CAMEIN AT 4:17 A.M.

'PUT ON DEODORANT, [bleep].'"

"THAT'S A NICKNAME."