Nick Swardson - Drunk Drive-Through

Nick Swardson: Taste It Season 1, Ep 1 05/30/2015 Views: 13,896

Nick Swardson's drunk friends make ordering fast food way more complicated than it needs to be. (1:59)

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I mean,I hate being the sober cab.

It's the worst.I rarely do it.

But the worst isbeing the sober cab

and everyone in your caris shitfaced,

and you have to go througha fast-food drive-through

and try to get everybody food.

And you're the only onein control.

So you're in the driver's seat.You're at the microphone.

Everyone's just a disaster.

You're like,"Mark, what do you want?"

[heavy breathing]


"What was that?"


Yeah, I don't speak Japanese.No idea what you just said.

Just pick a meal number.What meal number do you want?


No, they don't go that high.

What meal numbergoes to 48?

[sighs]Steve, what do you want?

"Do they have wedding cake?"

No. Nobody has wedding cake.You want a wedding cake?

Nobody has that.

You physically can't eata whole wedding cake.

"All right, dude, chill.

Can I get a vodka soda?"

There's always the guywho's too blacked out

that ruins the whole thingfor everybody.

You're like, "Gary...what do you want?"

He, like,leans in the microphone like,

"Yeah, can I get some pussy?"


Nobody gets food.Nobody gets food."

You had one easy task.

Just point at a glowing menu.

It's a glowing--just point at it.

Pretty sure McDonalds isn'tgonna have pussy anytime soon,

or a "McPussy,"or whatever they would have.