Maria Bamford - Neighborly

  • Season 2 , Ep 2
  • 03/31/2011
  • Views: 33,341

Maria Bamford doesn't mind that her Mexican neighbor leaves stuff on his lawn, 'cause she's gonna steal that shit. (2:35)

THAT'S SO WONDERFUL.

SO--I FEEL SO BELOVED...

BY SHOW BUSINESS.

(normal voice)UM, OKAY, YES.

RECENTLY I BOUGHT A HOUSEFOR A DOLLAR.

AND I'M KIND OF BADABOUT THAT.

MY NEIGHBOR IS SUPER NICE.

NEIGHBOR CARLOS CAME OVER,HE SAID,

"I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND LIVINGNEXT TO A MEXICAN

'CAUSE WE LEAVE (bleep)ON OUR LAWN."

I SAID, "WELL, IF WE'RE GONNATALK IN STEREOTYPES,

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND LIVINGNEXT TO A WHITE LADY

'CAUSE I'M GONNA STEALTHAT (bleep)."

(laughter)

MANIFEST DESTINY,IT'S KIND OF ALREADY MINE.

(laughs)

(applause)

(laughter)

I'M TRYING TO LEARNSOME SPANISH.

I WENT UP TO A MEETUP GROUP,BUT NOBODY WAS A NATIVE SPEAKER,

SO WE END UP SPEAKINGTHIS SORT OF PRETEND SPANISH,

LIKE, "AY-YI-YI.

(Spanish-sounding gibberish)

(rolls Rs)

(laughter)

TURNS OUT I'M PRETTY GOODAT PRETEND LANGUAGES.

WORKING ONA LITTLE PRETEND SWAHILI.

(clicks tongue)

TRYING TO LOSE MY ACCENT,AND UH...

(laughter)

PRETTY MUCH FLUENTIN PRETEND TIGER.

(snarling softly)

(laughter)

JUST ASKED WHERE I CAN GETSOME FROSTED FLAKES

'CAUSE THAT'SWHAT TIGERS EAT.

(laughter)

MY NEIGHBOR'S KID CAME OVER,AND HE SAID,

(Spanish accent)"I GOT A JOKE FOR YOU,

"I DON'T KNOWIF YOU UNDERSTAND IT

"'CAUSE IT'S TRANSLATEDFROM SPANISH BUT--

"SO THIS GUY IS RIDING A BUSIN MEXICO CITY, RIGHT?

"AND HE'S SITTING DOWNAND THEN THIS WOMAN

"IS STANDING UP ABOVE HIMAND SHE HASN'T SHAVED HER ARMPIT

"SO IT'S ALL HAIRY, RIGHT?

AND HE'S JUST STARINGIN HER ARMPIT, STARING.

"SHE SAYS, 'STOP DOING THAT.STOP DOING'--

"HE SAYS, 'OH, I'M SORRY.

I WAS JUST WONDERING HOW YOU GOTYOUR LEG UP THAT HIGH.'"

(laughter)

"I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GET IT

'CAUSE IT'S TRANSLATEDFROM THE SPANISH."

(laughter)

SI, YO COMPRENDO.

ENTIENDO ES UNIVERSALE.

(laughter)

GRACIAS, MI AMOR.

(applause)

MUCHAS,MUCHAS GRACIAS.

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