Adam Newman - Stadium Giveaway

Adam Newman Season 3, Ep 4 06/13/2014 Views: 4,564

While attending a Washington Wizards game, Adam Newman sees what might be the worst promotional giveaway of all time. (2:29)

I live in New York now.

I love living in New York.

It's hard being a basketball fanin New York, though,

because it's so expensiveif you want to go to a game.

If you want to goto a Knicks game,

it's like $200.

Lucky for me,my brother moved to D.C.,

so once a year I go visit him.

We go to a Wizards game,

'cause it's like 75 cents

to go see the Wizards, right?

Nobody gives a sh...you can go to a...

you can pay five dollarsat a Wizards game

and you can sit on the court

at half-courtwhile they're playing.

That's how much nobodygives a shit about the Wizards.

And you guys knowthe T-shirt guns

they have at basketball games?

They blast T-shirtsinto the crowd

with thesehigh-powered air guns.

Went to a Wizards gamelast year.

They came out withthese air guns at halftime.

The announcer got onthe loudspeaker and goes,

"Who would like

a free Chipotle burrito?"

And they started

blasting burritos

into the standswith the air gun.

They have a Chipotlein the stadium,

so it's likea marketing thing for them.

If you were to ask me,hey, what's the worst thing

you can think of

to blast into 19,000 people...

Like, I wouldn't eventhink of burrito.

Burrito is two thingsbeyond what I would think of.

I'd be like,"Beans, fill it with beans.

"That's a bad idea.

"Salsa, that's very messy.

It's gonna getall over everybody."

I wouldn't even think to takeall the burrito ingredients,

wrap 'em upinto an actual burrito form,

stuff 'em in a gunand blast that into the crowd.

I wouldn't think to do that.

But if you're in that crowd...

(laughter)

...you want that burrito, right?

That burrito's like $20at an NBA basketball game

and the burrito beats the shitout of a foul ball

at a baseball game any day.

If I was at a...if I was at a baseball game,

standing next to, like,an eight-year-old kid

and his dadand I caught a foul ball

I would give it tothe eight-year-old kid.

That ball means more to the kidthan it does to me.

That same kid standing nextto me at a basketball game,

if he caught a burrito?

I would beat the shitout of that kid.

(chuckles)

I would eat the burritoin front of him and his father.

I would do that!That's how great it is.

When there's a burritospiraling towards you

and you're in the upper deck,that's a great moment.

That's a happy time.

That moment turns badvery quickly

when that burritostarts unraveling.

Your whole section is rained on

by wet, hot burrito ingredients.

What if you're vegan?

What if you're a vegan

and you're in seatsthat you paid for

and you're coveredin sour cream and steak?

That's horrifying.