ALAN:Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!
Hey, Kenny, upstairsIt's huge.It's a rat!
It's a big rat!It's big!
(both talking at once)Hold on, hold on.
Hold on. Stop.What? There's a rat?
Yes. In the bathroom.
Ahh! Scared of a rat!What? You'rekidding me.
There's no ratsin the house.
Hey, guys,I know you're lying
because every rat I knowis in this room right now.
I'm looking at them.Ahh...
Sit down,sit down.Ouch.
Can we at leastget dressed first?No.
Meeting starts at 9:00 a.m.
This is how you chose to come,have a seat, guys.
I'm in my drawers, man.That's disgusting.
ALAN::What if mypee-pee flops out?
KENNY:If your pee-pee flops out,we'll flop it back in.
Okay, so one month ago,I gave you all a deadline
of 30 days to find a jobor, under BOP guidelines,
you'd have to go back to prison.
Remember how I told youthat about a month ago?
So, I just thoughtI'd take roll and find out
what jobs you guys havegone ahead and gotten.
So, what's your job, Alan?
I'm your assistant.
Okay,that's not a job
and you're notmy assistant.
Oh, yeah.Um, I'm spittin' game,
I'm laying down the goon hand,
and I'm keepin' them hoeson the corner.
Is that job legal?
Anybody else?Oh, great.
Carly, what's your job?
And how much have you been paid?
Cats don't have money.
Guys, the job that you get,
that will prevent youfrom going back to prison,
has to be a paying job.
So, Uncle Kenny has done you alla big favor.
Tomorrow, I'm goingto take you to a place
where you all can get jobsas long as you want one.
So, the rest of the day,
we're going to workon our interview skills.
Give me your best exampleof a good customer greeting.
Boy, that was impressive.
How about, "Welcometo the restaurant.
Can I help you?"
Welcome to the restaurant.
Can I help you?What'chu want?
I would like a tablefor four, please.
Well, you're gonna haveto wait 'cause we're booked up.
You see, we busy.
Man, what you think?You can just walk in
off the streetand get any table you want?
You better chill, man.
Don't make me comeupside your head.
Hey, Sebastian,why would you choose,
in a completelymade up scenario,
to not be ableto help somebody?
Why would you makethat choice?
If I'm workingin a restaurant,
trust me, it's gonna be off the chain.
Why don't you tell meabout your best quality?
I'm a hard worker, I'm on time,and I'm personable.
What would you consideryour worst quality?
Have you ever workeda cash register?
Do you thinkyou could learn?
I'm not going to domanual labor.
That's not manual labor.
(imitates machine chugging)
I am no Hebrew to be, uh,with the money-- No.
Under "special skills"
on your application,you've written
"beatin' on crackasand takin' they money."
What does that...?
Well, I ain't talkin'about saltines and Ritz.
I'm talking aboutwhite folks.
Beatin' that assand takin' their money.