Maria Bamford - Bad Order

  • Season 11 , Ep 10
  • 02/15/2007
  • Views: 17,372

People shouldn't take so many liberties when ordering coffee. (0:47)

THAT'S WHEN YOU REALIZE,HEY, MAYBE WE HAVE

TOO MUCH FREEDOM IN THE UNITED STATES.

"CAN I ASK YOU A QUICK QUESTION ABOUT THE COFFEE?

"IS IT ORGANIC? OKAY, I DON'T WANT IT. I DON'T WANT IT.

"I'D LIKE TO HAVE--I'D LIKE TO HAVE A BOWLOF BOILING HOT WATER.

"BOILING-- BOILING-- WITH ICE.

"AND I DON'T WANT THE ICE TO GET ALL TINY.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

"AND THEN I'D LIKE TO HAVE THE TURKEY BURGER

BUT I WANT IT SECTIONEDINTO 14 QUADRANTS.

"I KNOW THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE BUT DO IT,

"AND THEN NOT ON A PLATE,NOT ON A PLATE.

"DROPPED FROM THE ALTITUDE OF 10 FEET PIECE BY PIECE

"INTO MY HANDS WITH AN ATTITUDE OF REGRET.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I HATE TO BE A PAIN."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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