BUT IT'S WEIRD, THOUGH,AS AN AMERICAN.
'CAUSE YOU GO TO ANYOTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, MAN,
EVERYONE IN THAT COUNTRYKNOWS SO MUCH ABOUT OUR COUNTRY,
AND WE KNOW NOTHINGABOUT ANY OTHER COUNTRY.
EVERY OTHER COUNTRY KNOWSABOUT BARACK AND OUR ECONOMY.
WE KNOW NOTHING.
TO AN AMERICAN,THE REST OF THE WORLD'S
LIKE THE UGLY CHICKIN YOUR OFFICE WHO COMES IN,
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
YOU'RE LIKE,"WHO THE [BLEEP] ARE YOU?"
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
"YOU WORK HERE?
YOU WORK HERE?"
"CUPCAKE, YES.BUT YOU, NO."
[ LAUGHTER ]
OF ALL THE PLACES I'VE BEEN,
I'LL TELL YOU THE HARDEST PLACETO GET USED TO IS LOS ANGELES.
THE CULTURE THERE
MAKES ABSOLUTELYNO SENSE AT ALL TO ME.
LIKE, FOR INSTANCE,EVERYONE IN L.A.
IS OBSESSED WITH BEING HEALTHYBUT IN JUST RIDICULOUS WAYS,
WHERE I MEET PEOPLEAND THEY TAKE ANTIDEPRESSANTS
AND THEY ALSO TAKE PILATESAND THEY TAKE YOGA
AND THEY TAKE SPIN CLASS.
AND IT'S LIKE,"IF YOU'RE UNHAPPY,
DON'T TRY TO LIVE LONGER."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S DYSLEXIA.
LIKE EVERYONE'S GOTA LITTLE ATTITUDE PROBLEM.
EVERYONE'S TRYING TO BESOMETHING THEY'RE NOT.
I WAS IN BEVERLY HILLSTHE OTHER DAY,
SAW THIS LITTLE, RICH, WHITE KIDWEARING A SHIRT THAT SAID,
"[BLEEP] THE COPS!"
SO I ROBBED HIM.
YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I WANTED TO.
I WANTED TO.
WHOSE GONNA STOP ME?THE COPS?
I DON'T THINK SO.I COULD STAB THAT KID.
THE COP, "YOU DO THAT?YOU CAN DRINK AND DRIVE NOW.
CONGRATULATIONS."
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND EVERYONE'S GOT THIS --
THEY'RE ALL LIKE POLITICALLYLIBERAL OUT THERE.
BUT EVERYONE'S LIKE REALLY COCKYABOUT THE FACT THEY'RE LIBERAL,
WHICH IS JUST OBNOXIOUS.
THAT'S WHY MY GOAL THIS YEARIS TO BUY A PRIUS...
SO I CAN BETHE ANTI-PRIUS DRIVER.
BE LIKE, "YEAH, THAT'S MY PRIUS,
THE ONE WITH THE GUN RACK ANDTHE McCAIN STICKER ON THE BACK
AND THE DEAD DEER CARCASSROPED TO THE HOOD."
WOULDN'T THAT BE SWEET?
DRIVE AROUND IN A PRIUS THROWINGGARBAGE OUT YOUR WINDOW?
"IT'S A PRIUS! I ALREADY HELPEDTHE EARTH, HIPPIE!"
YEAH.
"YES, THERE ISA CONFEDERATE FLAG IN MY PRIUS."