Al Jackson - The Miracle of Life

  • Season 15 , Ep 9
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 8,040

When Al Jackson was a middle school science teacher he had to teach sex education. (2:38)

Yeah, man, I did teach middleschool science, and I--

'Cause I had sucha weird experience.

'Cause, uh-uh, what happenedto me with teaching

was I came in, in themiddle of the school year.

And what happens whenyou come in the middle

of the school year,they-they allow each teacher

to get ridof four kids

off of each of theirclassroom rosters

and that becomesyour classroom.

So, I don't know if you allcan do the math on that.

You get the four worsekids in everyone's class.

It-it wasn't evenlike they were coming

from other classrooms.

It was like they weregetting off the bench

at a basketball game.

It was like, "At4'5", he's a biter

and he resentsmale authority.

Put your handstogether--"

So... so theseare my kids.

But the only good thingabout having all bad kids

and any real teacherwill tell you this,

the only reason theyin there to begin with

is because they are[deleted] hysterical.

And I'll tellyou the first time

my kids evermade me laugh--

This is atrue story.

Besides, obviously,Black History Month,

I taught MiddleSchool Science.

The last four weeksevery school year,

I had toteach Sex Ed.

Yeah, uh-hmm.

And you all get allquiet if you want to.

I talk to your kidsabout [deleted] jobs

and backing itup for four weeks.

So, I thank you.

I deserve that--I deserve that.

[applause]

And like, whenyou teach Sex Ed,

I don't know where youguys went to school,

but like, when-whenyou teach Sex Ed,

especially in South Florida,what I had to do

was put on thatold video tape...

from the 1970s called,"The Miracle of Life."

Did you allhave that?

See, where thatdisgusting purple baby

comes shootingout of that lady.

So, you know I'mnot making it up.

And if you haven't seen thevideo, I will catch you up.

The whole video, andI'm not making this up,

is shot from the vantagepoint of just one sperm

looking for the egg.

And you're just ridingon the back of the sperm

the whole video fromthe balls to the shaft,

you just riding on theback of the sperm.

[audience laughter]

And the money shot... iswhen the head of the male

is insideof the woman.

And there's this explosionof sperm all over the screen.

And I'm as uncomfortable asall of you are right now.

Except I was in a classroomfull of 35 Seventh Graders

in a hood in Miami.

And all at the sametime they were like,

"Mr. Jackson,what was that?"

And I was like, "That'sthe part where the man says,

"I told younot to move.

[applause]

"Now get a towel."

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