'Cause I had sucha weird experience.
'Cause, uh-uh, what happenedto me with teaching
was I came in, in themiddle of the school year.
And what happens whenyou come in the middle
of the school year,they-they allow each teacher
to get ridof four kids
off of each of theirclassroom rosters
and that becomesyour classroom.
So, I don't know if you allcan do the math on that.
You get the four worsekids in everyone's class.
It-it wasn't evenlike they were coming
from other classrooms.
It was like they weregetting off the bench
at a basketball game.
It was like, "At4'5", he's a biter
and he resentsmale authority.
Put your handstogether--"
So... so theseare my kids.
But the only good thingabout having all bad kids
and any real teacherwill tell you this,
the only reason theyin there to begin with
is because they are[deleted] hysterical.
And I'll tellyou the first time
my kids evermade me laugh--
This is atrue story.
Besides, obviously,Black History Month,
I taught MiddleSchool Science.
The last four weeksevery school year,
I had toteach Sex Ed.
And you all get allquiet if you want to.
I talk to your kidsabout [deleted] jobs
and backing itup for four weeks.
So, I thank you.
I deserve that--I deserve that.
And like, whenyou teach Sex Ed,
I don't know where youguys went to school,
but like, when-whenyou teach Sex Ed,
especially in South Florida,what I had to do
was put on thatold video tape...
from the 1970s called,"The Miracle of Life."
Did you allhave that?
See, where thatdisgusting purple baby
comes shootingout of that lady.
So, you know I'mnot making it up.
And if you haven't seen thevideo, I will catch you up.
The whole video, andI'm not making this up,
is shot from the vantagepoint of just one sperm
looking for the egg.
And you're just ridingon the back of the sperm
the whole video fromthe balls to the shaft,
you just riding on theback of the sperm.
And the money shot... iswhen the head of the male
is insideof the woman.
And there's this explosionof sperm all over the screen.
And I'm as uncomfortable asall of you are right now.
Except I was in a classroomfull of 35 Seventh Graders
in a hood in Miami.
And all at the sametime they were like,
"Mr. Jackson,what was that?"
And I was like, "That'sthe part where the man says,
"I told younot to move.
"Now get a towel."
All right, that's--