Mitch Hedberg - Smacky the Frog

  • Season 1 , Ep 11
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 40,771

It's pretty much the same as Smokey the Bear, but it's a frog. (2:08)

(Nick)AREN'T ZOOS SUPPOSEDTO HAVE EXOTIC BIRDS

AND SNAKES AND STUFF?

WHO GIVES A DAMN?

GIVE ME ANOTHER SINGLE.

NO WAY, I'VE ALREADYGIVEN YOU $300.

(Stripper)HI, PAPEES.

YOU WANT A LAP DANCE?

ACTUALLY, WE CAME TO SEETHE CONGO GORILLA FOREST

AND THESEA LION POOL.

OH, SO YOU INTOTHE KINKY STUFF.

ALL RIGHT, FOLLOW ME, BOYS.

I KNOW JUST THE THING.

(Patrice)I PREFERTHE OTHER ROOM.

THAT ONE DANCERREALLY LIKED ME.

(Nick)OH, C'MON.

THAT'S JUST BECAUSE YOU JUSTPRACTICALLY PAID FOR HER

SON'S FIRSTYEAR AT COLLEGE.

FINALLY, WE GET TOSEE SOME ANIMALS!

FINALLY, WE GET TOSEE SOME ANIMALS!

I HOPE HE DOES TRICKS.

THIS IS THE FIRSTZOO I'VE EVER SEEN

THAT ALLOWS THE ANIMALSTO LICK WHIPPED CREAM

OFF THE TRAINER'S BOOBIES.

I LOVE THIS ZOO!

(Mitch Hedberg)ACID WAS MY FAVORITE DRUG.

WHEN WE WERE ON ACID, WEWOULD GO INTO THE WOODS,

BECAUSE IF WE WERE INTHE WOODS TRIPPING,

THERE WAS LESS LIKELY ACHANCE YOU'D RUN INTOAN AUTHORITY FIGURE.

BUT WE RAN INTO A BEAR.

THAT WAS EVEN MOREOF A BUZZKILL.

MY FRIEND DWAYNE WAS STANDINGTHERE, RAISING HIS RIGHT HAND,

SWEARING TO HELPPREVENT FOREST FIRES.

WE GOT AWAY FROM THE BEAR.

HE PUT HIS ARM AROUNDMY SHOULDER, AND SAID,

MITCHELL, SMOKEY'S WAYMORE INTENSE IN PERSON.

IN ENGLAND, SMOKEYTHE BEAR IS NOT

THE FOREST FIREPREVENTION REPRESENTATIVE.

THEY HAVESMAQUIS THE FROG.

IT'S JUST LIKE A BEAR,BUT IT'S A FROG.

AND I THINK THAT'SA BETTER SYSTEM.

I THINK WESHOULD ADOPT IT.

BECAUSE BEARS CAN BE MEAN,

BUT FROGS AREALWAYS COOL.

THERE NEVER HAS THERE BEENA FROG HOPPING TOWARD ME,

AND I THOUGHT, "MAN,I BETTER PLAY DEAD.

HERE COMES THAT FROG."

I NEVER SAID, "HERECOMES THAT FROG."

IN A HORRIFYINGMANNER.

IT'S ALWAYS OPTIMISTIC.

HEY, HERE COMESTHAT FROG.

FANTASTIC!

MAYBE HE WILLSETTLE NEAR ME.

AND I CAN PETHIM AND PUT HIM

IN A MAYONNAISE JARWITH A STICK AND A LEAF

TO RECREATE WHATHE'S USED TO.

AND I'LL CERTAINLY HAVE TOPUNCH SOME HOLES IN THE LID,

'CAUSE HE'S DAMNSURE USED TO AIR.

AND THEN I CAN OBSERVE HIM,AND HE WON'T BE DOING MUCH

IN HIS16-OUNCE WORLD.

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