Uncensored - Steve Rannazzisi - Trying Not to Get Caught

Steve Rannazzisi: Manchild Season 1, Ep 101 11/16/2013 Views: 3,093

When Steve Rannazzisi gets home late at night, he likes to play his favorite game. (2:17)

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THAT'S WHY I KNOW MY BODY, GUYS.

I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

WHEN I GET HOME LATE AT NIGHT,I LOVE TO PLAY MY FAVORITE GAME.

OH, I LOVE IT.

IT'S CALLED "TRY TO JERK OFFWITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT."

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THE MORE PEOPLE YOU ADD TOYOUR FAMILY, THE HARDER IT GETS.

ANYONE MARRIEDIN THE FRONT UP HERE?

A COUPLE PEOPLE? YEAH?

WHO'S MARRIED? YOU GUYS MARRIED?HOW LONG YOU BEEN MARRIED?

Woman: THREE YEARS.

Rannazzisi:THREE YEARS. VERY NICE.

IN THREE YEARS,

HAVE YOU EVER CAUGHT HIMTAKING CARE OF HIMSELF?

NO. OKAY. GOOD. GOOD.

FIRST OF ALL,DO YOU THINK THAT HE DOES?

LET'S START THERE.

-Woman: [ Chuckling ] YES.-Rannazzisi: YES! YES!

YES! YOU'RE RIGHT!

YOU KNOW WHO ELSETHINKS HE DOES?

ALL THE HUMAN BEINGS THAT AREIN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW.

YEAH, THE PEOPLE WORKINGTHE CAMERAS, THE LIGHTS,

THEY'RE LIKE,"YEAH, HE JERKS OFF."

HE'S PROBABLY DONE ITSINCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE TONIGHT.

MAYBE YOU WENT TO THE BATHROOMFOR A MINUTE,

AND HE'S LIKE,"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT."

GO FOR IT.

WE KNOW, 'CAUSE HE HAS ARMSTHAT REACH DOWN HERE.

HE DOESN'T HAVELITTLE T. REX ARMS.

THAT'S HOW WE KNOW FOR SURE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND HE'S A FILTHY ANIMAL.

DON'T FEEL BAD.

HIM, ME, EVERY GUYIN THIS WHOLE PLACE IS --

EVERY ONE OF YOU.

IF YOU HAD WITH YOUR HUSBANDOR YOUR BOYFRIEND

FOR 23 HOURS A DAY,

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE'D BE DOINGTHAT 24th HOUR?

TOUCHING HIMSELF,THINKING OF CRAZY SHIT.

WE REBOOT QUICK, GUYS.

MY WIFE WON'T LET MEDONKEY-PUNCH HER.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

BUT UP HERE,

I CAN DONKEY-PUNCHANYONE I WANT.

UP HERE, I'M POUNDING AWAY.

THERE'S ICE-CREAM TRUCKS, PEOPLEWALKING IN AND OUT OF DOORS.

THAT DUDE WITH HALF A FACEFROM "BOARDWALK EMPIRE"

HAS GOT A RIFLEAT THE FRONT DOOR.

I NEED SECURITYIN MY FANTASIES, GUYS.

AND I GET CAUGHT.AND I TRY NOT TO GET CAUGHT.

I'M NOT AN ANIMAL.I'M NOT.

I SET UP TRAPS AROUND THE DOOR.

I'VE GOT NEWSPAPERAND BUBBLE WRAP AND SHIT.

MY WIFE IS CRAFTY.

SO I CAME UP WITH A NEW PLAN.

THIS IS WHAT I DO NOW.

NOW I JUST DO IT, RIGHT?

AND IF SHE WALKS INAND CATCHES ME,

I JUST LOOK AT HER.

I GO, "HEY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"YOU'RE EITHER IN,OR YOU'RE OUT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

EITHER WAY, THIS SHIT'SHAPPENING, PRINCESS."