Mitch Fatel - Breakup Court

  • Season 11 , Ep 19
  • 04/05/2007
  • Views: 23,274

It's a lot easier when women breakup with men than the other way around. (2:10)

- I LIKE TO TOUCH THEM. - [LAUGHTER]

I HAVE A-- MY GIRLFRIEND, I DON'T LIKE HER THOUGH,

'CAUSE-- 'CAUSE SHE SNORES,

AND IT MAKES ME STAY UP AT NIGHT.

THE FIRST TIME IT HAPPENED, IT SCARED THE HELL OUTTA ME,

'CAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW GIRLS COULD SNORE.

I'D JUST FALLEN ASLEEP WHENALL OF A SUDDEN I HEAR [SNORES].

AND I WAS LIKE...

- "GRANDPA? - [LAUGHTER]

- "YOU'RE SO SOFT. - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"YOU'RE THE SOFTEST GRANDPA EVER, AND I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

- YOU PLAY BALL WITH ME." - [LAUGHTER]

I'M ONLY JOKING. I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

I HAD A GIRLFRIEND. BUT SHE BROKE UP WITH ME,

WHICH I THINK IS BETTER.IT'S ALWAYS BETTER

WHEN A GIRL BREAKS UP WITH A GUY,

'CAUSE THEN IT'S OVER IN FIVE MINUTES.

'CAUSE THEN THE GUY JUST SAYS HIS PIECE, WHICH IS--

"YOU SUCK."THEN THAT'S IT. IT'S OVER.

BUT WHEN A GUY BREAKS UP WITH A GIRL,

YOU NEED AN ENTIRE AFTERNOON FREE.

'CAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE QUESTIONING AND WITNESSES

AND FORMS TO FILL OUT.

YOUR GIRLFRIEND TURNS INTO A LAWYER SHE'S LIKE

"IS IT NOT TRUE THAT YOU SAID WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER?"

"I DON'T RECALL SAYING THAT."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

AND THEN SHE'S LIKE, "WELL, MAYBE THIS VALENTINE'S CARD WILL REFRESH YOUR MEMORY."

AND THEN I LEARNED AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

WOMEN SAVE EVERY SINGLETHING YOU GIVE THEM.

WHAT WE CONSIDER GIFTS,THEY CONSIDER POTENTIAL EVIDENCE

THAT CAN BE USED AGAINST YOU AT A LATER DATE.

THAT'S WHYTHEY HAVE SO MANY SHOES.THEY NEED THE BOXES

TO SAVE ALL THE CRAP THAT WE GIVE 'EM.

Loading...