- Yamaneika,J.P. Are we ready?
[cheers and applause]- Let's roast!
- So, Comedy Centralhas screwed me again.
They gave me another boringwhite guy to roast.
I had to Google him.Google told me to go to Bing.
Bing told meto go to Ask Jeeves.
Ask Jeeves said, "I don't knowwho this [bleep] is."
- That's pretty good.First of all, just--
I want to say what an honor itis for me to be here
with some icons of comedy.
I mean, Jay Pharoah, Jim Norton,
Cedric the Entertainer.
There are a lot of greatcomics in New York,
but truly Yamaneikareally is one of the loudest.
- J.P. is a CatholicWall Street banker.
The only thing whiterand slimier
than him is the [bleep] on hisback from Father O'Brien.
- I knew this was gonna bea tough battle 'cause, like,
we look like we're onopposite ends of the fire hose.
Let me just say, though,Yamaneika is so dark
she got cast in"12 Years a Slave" as the plot.
- Last joke! Last joke!
- J.P. is from Newtown,Connecticut,
where the Sandy Hooktragedy happened.
And the worst thingthat happened to that town
is that he wasn'tseven years old
at the time of the shooting.
- Oh! Oh!
- Got your ass.- Okay, okay.
Thank you, Fat Thighs Matter.
- Oh, shit.
- Yamaneika grew up in a Whitesuburban town in Maryland.
Her nickname in high schoolwas [gasps].
- Hey, keep it goingfor J.P. McDade
and Yamaneika Saunders.
- So much fun.Super-close.
- I have to say,both really great.
Yamaneika hada great--that Sandy Hook
joke was brutaland really great.
And you were great firing back.
But J.P., I thoughtthe hose joke was brilliant.
I had to go with J.P.You're kind of creepy
and suburban,but you're really funny.
- Thank you. Thank you.- This is exciting.
This is likewatching Leslie Jones
take on one of herInternet trolls.
- I love that. I love that.
- You both were [bleep] amazing,
but I got to give it to J.P.on the cleverness.
The [bleep] jokes were amazing.J.P.
- Interesting.- That's two for J.P., Jeff.
- See, this surprises me
because I thought Yamaneikawon this thing when she said,
"Got you ass" and spun around.
I thought it waspretty much over.
My vote's for Yamaneika.
- I honestly loved both of you.
I have to tell you,he's like a Jeselnik
in that he's that sharpand mean and nasty,
but you like him anyway.
Now, her. I like this bitch,
and I have to vote for--
you're both--this is by a [bleep] hair.
I have to give it to you,the black girl.
I forgot your namebut you're terrif--
- Yes! Yamaneika.- Yamaneika.
- Name yourself something normallike a [bleep] white person.
So, I say votefor the black chick.
Come on, clap it up for her.
- Thank you.- It's tied up.
- Uh-oh.- It all comes down to you,
ex-SNL cast member Jay Pharoah.
- God dag it. Okay.
I got ADD but shit. Okay.
I would have to say--[exhales]
Don't get mad at me, baby.
- Oh, [bleep] man.- Yamaneika.
Bow. I would say--see?
Look. I deceived y'all[bleep].
You see? Yamaneika.I would say--
- Oh, yeah?- Yeah, you, [bleep]. You.
- Oh!- I would say you.
- Yamaneika!- I'm gonna keep battling
Yamaneika until I win.
Or I'm just gonna try to exact revenge
for the rest of my life.
This affection that you seeright here,
at least on my part,100% an act.
Not real at all. - Yeah. Ladies, he's mine.
I'm gonna eat him.- Help.
Please--please send help.- [laughs]