Lenny Clarke - Weight Loss Pt. 1

  • Season 6 , Ep 5
  • 05/19/2002
  • Views: 4,227

Lenny Clarke hates running into people from high school. (2:24)

AND WELCOME TO MY HOTEL.

(LAUGHTER)

HOW YOU ALL DOING?

DID YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD DAY?

AUDIENCE>> YEAH!

LENNY CLARKE>> YEAH, MY DAY

SUCKED, TOO.

IT'S OKAY.

I'M NOT LIKE SOME OF THESE GUYS

WHO ARE LIKE, "HI, HELLO,

HOW ARE YOU?

WHAT A GOOD-LOOKING CROWD YOU

ARE.

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED TO ME

TODAY."

NOTHING FUNNY HAPPENED TO ME

TODAY.

I'M LYING IN BED ABOUT 7 O'CLOCK

THIS MORNING.

I GET IN AROUND 6:55, SO I'M

FIGHTING FOR SLEEP.

(LAUGHTER)

GIRLFRIEND COMES BOUNCING IN THE

BED SAYS, "COME ON, IT'S NICE

OUT.

LET'S GO OUT AND PLAY."

BECAUSE SHE LIKES THAT.

SHE'S YOUNG.

SHE'S 15.

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

BUT I SAID, "HONEY"...

YOU EVER GET UP IN THE MORNING,

LOOK AT YOURSELF NUDE IN THE

MIRROR AND JUST SAY, "SCREW THE

DIET.

HOW FAT COULD I POSSIBLY GET?"

(LAUGHTER)

600, 700, 800 POUNDS?

NOT A LOT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE

800 POUNDS.

YOU CAN'T MINGLE IN WITH THE

CROWD.

HELL, 800 POUNDS, YOU ARE THE

CROWD.

AND IT'S TOUGH WHEN YOU GAIN

WEIGHT AND YOU GET OLDER YOU

BUMP INTO PEOPLE YOU HAVEN'T

SEEN IN 20 YEARS.

YOU'RE FEELING GOOD ABOUT

YOURSELF.

YOU'RE WALKING DOWN THE STREET.

YOU SEE SOMEONE FROM HIGH

HIGH SCHOOL.

THEY GO, "WOW, DID YOU GET FAT!"

"YEAH, THANKS A LOT MAGGOT.

HOW'S YOUR UGLY SISTER?"

YOU DON'T NEED PEOPLE TO TELL

YOU YOU'RE FAT.

YOU PRETTY MUCH KNOW THAT.

LITTLE THINGS START TO CHANGE

IN YOUR LIFE.

LIKE YOUR SOCKS START TO GET

TIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

OR YOU'RE LYING IN BED, AND YOU

FEEL SOMETHING MOVE AND THEN YOU

REALIZE, "OH, MAN, I'M ALONE."

(LAUGHTER)

AND PEOPLE, PEOPLE DON'T CARE.

THEY KNOW YOU'RE FAT.

THEY WANT TO RUB IT IN.

THEY GO, "OH, YOU REALLY GAINED

WEIGHT.

THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOUR

HEALTH."

YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY HEALTH.

YOU'RE JUST HAPPY YOU'RE

SKINNIER THEN I AM

THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT.

THEY ALWAYS WANT TO TAKE A

PICTURE.

"TAKE A PICTURE.

TAKE A PICTURE."

"WHY?

SO I LOOK GOOD NEXT TO YOU?

YOU KNOW PEOPLE WILL SAY,

"WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING

ABOUT IT?"

AND I SAID, "LIKE WHAT?"

THEY SAY, "LIKE GO TO A GYM."

"GO TO A GYM?

I WENT TO A GYM.

THEY OFFERED ME FREE MEMBERSHIP

FOR LIFE IF I WAS WILLING TO

POSE FOR A 'DON'T LET THIS

HAPPEN TO YOU,' POSTER."

(LAUGHTER)

AND PEOPLE SAY, "YOU DON'T HAVE

TO GO TO A GYM.

YOU CAN GO FOR A WALK."

"WHERE?

AROUND THE SURFACE OF THE EARTH?

WHAT ARE YOU NUTS?"

YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE

YOU TO WALK OFF A BUNCH A

WEIGHT?

YOU'D BE LIKE THE FORREST GUMP

OF WEIGHT WATCHERS.

YOU'RE WALKING, WALKING.

YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT,

AS LONG AS YOU DON'T COME BACK.

I RECENTLY LOST LIKE A 135

POUNDS.

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