Jimmy Shubert - The Conjoined Twin Country Singer

  • Season 8 , Ep 8
  • 02/19/2004
  • Views: 5,556

Country singing is a very competitive field. (5:53)

Jimmy Shubert: ALRIGHT.

LET ME BRING THIS HOME FOR YOU

PEOPLE JUST SO YOU KNOW WHAT

WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT.

A COUPLE WEEKS AGO I WAS

WATCHIN' THIS DOCUMENTARY

THEY HAD ON ABOUT THESE

CONJOINED TWINS.

AND I WAS HAVIN' A BAD DAY.

AND I'M WATCHIN' IT AND I'M

GOIN' OH, MY GOD.

I FELT BAD FOR THEM.

BUT YOU SEE SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT

AND IT PUTS ALL YOUR LITTLE

BULL[BLEEP] RIGHT IN

PERSPECTIVE.

YOU REALIZE HOW GOOD YOU GOT IT,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

WELL, YOU--

[APPLAUSE]

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE MY

BROTHERS.

I WOULD NOT WANT TO SHARE A

KIDNEY, A SPLEEN AND A LIVER

WITH 'EM.

YOU KNOW?

TWO IRISH GUYS, ONE LIVER.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THAT WOULD NEVER WORK OUT.

THE SHOW I WAS WATCHIN',

THEY HAD THIS ONE WOMAN ON

WHO WAS A NORMAL SIZED WOMAN.

AND THEN CONNECTED TO HER HEAD

WAS A MUCH SMALLER PERSON.

I MEAN, IT--

THERE'S REALLY NO NICE WAY

TO SAY IT, THE LADY HAD A MIDGET

HANGIN' OFF HER HEAD.

THAT SHE HAD TO WHEEL AROUND

IN THIS LITTLE STOOL LIKE SHE

WAS A BAD PUPPET ACT.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M JUST TELLIN' YOU WHAT I SAW!

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE IT EITHER,

BELIEVE ME!

I'M JUST FLIPPIN' THE CHANNEL,

AND THERE'S THE LADY WITH THE

MIDGET, YOU KNOW.

YOU'RE GOING, WHAT THE HELL

IS GOIN' ON HERE?

[LAUGHTER]

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE FUNNY

PART.

THE ONE LADY WANTED TO BE A

COUNTRY WESTERN SINGER.

[LAUGHTER]

NOW I'M NOT KIDDIN'.

WHO SAW THE SHOW BESIDES ME?

[APPLAUSE]

YEAH!

I'M NOT MAKIN' IT UP!

IT'S THE REAL THING!

SHE WANTED TO BE A COUNTRY

WESTERN SINGER.

AND I'M GOIN', OH, MY GOD!

I MEAN, NOBODY HAD THE HEART

TO TELL HER YOU--

[LAUGHTER]

YOU CAN'T REALLY BE A COUNTRY

WESTERN SINGER WITH A MIDGET

HANGIN' OFF YOUR HEAD.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE A MOLE

WITH A COUPLE OF HAIRS COMIN'

OUT OF IT.

I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE 'EM

A LOT OF HEARTBREAK.

YOU KNOW HOW TOUGH IT IS TO

BECOME A COUNTRY WESTERN SINGER?

IT'S A VERY COMPETITIVE FIELD.

YOU'RE GOIN' AGAINST

SHANIA TWAIN AND FAITH HILL.

NOTICE?

NO MIDGET.

I MEAN, YOU COULDN'T EVEN FIND

A BIG OL' 10 GALLON HAT TO HIDE

YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S...

"HEY, SIS, GET IN THE HAT!

I'M GONNA BE A COUNTRY WESTERN

SINGER AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA

STOP ME!

GET IN THAT HAT!

IN THERE, IN THERE."

AND THE MIDGET'S IN THE HAT

KICKIN' AROUND.

AND THE HAT'S MOVIN' ALL AROUND.

"ALRIGHT, Y'ALL.

YOU READY TO BOOT, SCOOT

AND BOOGIE?

THIS NEXT SONG HERE'S

AN OLD CLA-- HEY, HOLD IT DOWN

UP THERE!"

[LAUGHTER]

♪ I GOT A LETTER THIS MORNIN'

♪ SIGNED C.O.D.

♪ SIGNED BY MY SISTER

♪ WHO'S CONNECTED TO ME

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ANYWAY, WHO SAW THE SHOW

BESIDES ME?

YOU SAW THE SHOW?

HERE'S WHAT KILLED ME.

ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH

THE PROGRAM, THE LARGER

OF THE TWO GIRLS LOOKS

DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA.

AND SHE GOES, "YOU KNOW,

I LIKE TO DATE."

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S GOTTA COMPLICATE THINGS.

NO, 'CAUSE HYPOTHETICAL

SITUATION, LET'S SAY YOU'RE

ATTRACTED TO THE LARGER ONE,

YOU WANT TO TAKE HER OUT

FOR A NICE ROMANTIC EVENING.

WHAT'S THE ETIQUETTE ON THAT?

I MEAN...

[LAUGHTER]

YOU GOTTA PICK UP DINNER

FOR THE MIDGET, TOO?

[LAUGHTER]

NO, I'M JUST ASKIN'.

I DON'T KNOW.

CAN I ASK A QUESTION?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I MEAN, I DON'T MIND SPRINGIN'

FOR A PLATE OF APPETIZERS,

YOU KNOW.

"HERE MIDGET, THERE'S SOME

CHEESE STICKS.

SO, WHEN DID YOU FIRST GET

INTO COUNTRY WESTERN MUSIC?

SEVEN YEARS AGO.

REALLY?

AND YOU WRITE ALL YOUR OWN

MUSIC.

WOW."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I MEAN, WHO KNOWS?

MAYBE YOU HAD A MARVELOUS TIME

ON YOUR DATE.

YOU WERE HAVIN' SO MUCH FUN.

YOU WENT TO DROP 'EM OFF

AND THEY, YOU KNOW, THEY INVITE

YOU IN FOR A NIGHTCAP.

AND ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER.

AND BEFORE YOU REALIZED IT,

YOU WERE INSIDE THE COUNTRY

WESTERN SINGER, MAKIN' LOVE

TO HER.

AND EVERYTHING SEEMED TO BE

GOIN' REASONABLY WELL,

GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCE.

AND YOU'RE GOIN' AT IT,

OH, YEAH.

OH, YEAH.

AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

THE MIDGET STARTS TAKIN' OFF

HER CLOTHES.

YOU'RE GOIN', OH, YEAH.

AND--

[LAUGHTER]

[PANTING]

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN',

MIDGET?

I'M HAVIN' SEX WITH YOUR SISTER.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?"

[SPITS]

ALRIGHT, LITTLE MIDGET, COME ON!

COME ON!

YOU GUYS WERE GREAT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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