Rick Corso - Diner

Margaret Smith & Rick Corso Season 1, Ep 0159 02/24/1992 Views: 1,216

Regular mozzarella cheese doesn't have enough fat. (1:36)

4:00 IN THE MORNING.

I WAKE UP WITH THISGRAVELLY 4:00 A.M. VOICE.

"HELLO?"

THE GUY GOES, "BABE?"

WHO'S THIS GUY GOING OUT WITH,SPRINGSTEEN?

SO I GO TO THISALL-NIGHT RESTAURANT.

EVERY TIME I WALK IN,THEY START MOPPING UP.

"EGGS WITH AN AMMONIA CHASER--THANKS.

YOU GOT THAT PINE-SOL OMELET?"

THE WAITRESS IS WIRED-- GIVINGME COFFEE AFTER EVERY SIP.

"COFFEE? COFFEE? COFFEE?"

( laughs maniacally )

PUT MY HAND OVERTHE CUP TO BLOCK

SHE FAKES LEFT,CUTS BACK RIGHT...

I DON'T SEE HER, AND THE CUPKEEPS GETTING FILLED UP.

SHE'S BEHIND A PLANTWITH A WATER PISTOL.

AND THEIR UNIFORMSALWAYS MATCH THE WALLS

SO THEY CAN BLEND INAND SNEAK UP ON YOU

LIKE SOME KIND OF NESCAFE NINJA.

( laughter )

I WAS AT A RESTAURANTA COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.

I WANTED TO GET A BAKED POTATO.

THIS GUYS SAYS, "SORRY,NO BAKED POTATOES BEFORE 5:00."

LIKE THEY DON'T HAVETHE QUALIFIED PERSONNEL

AT THIS HOUR.

"YEAH, I'M SORRY, THE POTATOSHIFT DID NOT SHOW UP YET.

HE'S GOT THE TIN FOILAND THE RECIPE."

"COME ON,IT'S TEN MINUTES TO 5:00."

"YEAH, BUT THE SOUR CREAM IS INA TIME-LOCK VAULT BACK THERE."

SO I HAD THE FRIED CHEESE

FRIED MOZZARELLA STICKS--DEEP-FRIED CHEESE.

OH, THERE'S A CARDIOVASCULARDREAM COME TRUE.

LET'S SEE, THE CHEESEDOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH FAT

LET'S GIVE ITA CHOLESTEROL JACUZZI.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ME INA PINTO AND BACK ME INTO A WALL?

( laughter and applause )